you’re going to be okay

Posted: June 8th, 2012 | Filed under: life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments »

Serena,

A few years ago, I had an affair that ended my marriage. All of my Christian friends will have nothing to do with me and I can’t get them to even talk to me. 

What are we supposed to do in that situation? I know that God has forgiven me and changed me through this, but they don’t see it and they keep denying His power in my life. It crushes me. I know I was wrong, but they are, too. …

It’s hard to understand when people refuse to see the grace in your life the way you feel it. Sometimes it’s a battle to believe it for yourself. The bullets are still flying at you after the cease fire was called. It’s even worse when people you looked up to, who should know better, deny everything they preach with the way they treat you.

Times like this reveal a person’s true character. Sometimes it’s hard to watch it go down.

The trap to avoid is the urge to withhold grace from those who withhold grace from you. Grace doesn’t wait for the person to fix themselves. It doesn’t choose between bad and really bad. You should be an expert in that.

Don’t do anything you’ll have to apologize for later.

Nobody can take away what God has given you. It’s time to let God take care of your validation. He has His own timing for everything.

If you focus on the pain they’re causing you and are continually feeling like you’re being mistreated, then you will not get past focusing on yourself. It breeds bitterness.

This isn’t a battle between people, don’t let yourself sink to that level. You’re in a spiritual battle of faith. The battle is against resentment, self-pity, and entitlement. The battle is to believe Jesus when everyone else denies Him.

Every time someone attacks you, hell is trying to get you to doubt the power of the sacrifice of Jesus. That’s what is really going on. They taste the bile on their tongues and they think that’s the way your name tastes. They don’t know that the bile comes from inside them. As long as they don’t say your name, they don’t taste the bile. If they don’t taste the bile, then they never have to face their own disease of unbelief.

God is bringing them through their own journey, and this situation may be a big part of that. Be merciful because you know what mercy is. Be graceful because you know what grace is. Allow them the room to make mistakes and learn from them, just like you have.

Nobody who keeps a ledger of sins committed against them has a clue who God is.

You may never get your friends back. It’s a fact of life. I know it hurts and it may take a long time to accept, but just because you accept it doesn’t mean it will be set it in stone. I just frees you to be positive and productive while everything finds a place to land. Maybe they’ll come around, maybe you’ll be a little old lady when you get the call. But, maybe that will never happen on this side of life’s curtain. You have to let yourself heal without them. Let the scars seal in the good memories and don’t let the bad one’s infect it.

Remember, affairs are not just a religious horror, it is a horrible thing for anybody in any walk. It’s never okay. You have no idea what you’re mistakes have caused others to face in their own lives. Women whose husbands have strayed, but they’re working it out: you represent pain to them. To them, it feels like you undermine their fight for healing. Everyone is different and their takeaway value from your experience is going to reflect what is going on inside of them. Let it play out, it’s going to anyway. God knows what’s going on and He always gets His way. Relax in that. Find the freedom in the release.

You’re going to be okay. If He says you’re free, you’re free.

ygtb


13 Comments »


13 Comments on “you’re going to be okay”

  1. 1 Jason Wert said at 9:36 am on June 8th, 2012:

    "Don’t do anything you’ll have to apologize for later."

    "You have to let yourself heal without them."

    "Nobody who keeps a ledger of sins committed against them has a clue who God is."

    OH MY GOODNESS. This is one tasty post. I don't know where to start to comment because there is so much here worthy of saying "YES! YES! A MILLION TIMES YES!"

    Wow, this is so good.
    My recent post Taking a sabbatical

  2. 2 serenawoods said at 9:45 am on June 8th, 2012:

    :) Thanks, Jason.

  3. 3 lizzybell1 said at 9:56 am on June 8th, 2012:

    "Remember, affairs are not just a religious horror, it is a horrible thing for anybody in any walk. It’s never okay. You have no idea what you’re mistakes have caused others to face in their own lives. Women whose husbands have strayed, but they’re working it out: you represent pain to them. To them, it feels like you undermine their fight for healing. Everyone is different and their takeaway value from your experience is going to reflect what is going on inside of them. Let it play out, it’s going to anyway. God knows what’s going on and He always gets His way. Relax in that. Find the freedom in the release."

    No matter what the sin or perceived sin by others, this is so true, especially the part "You have no idea what you're mistakes have caused others to face in their own lives." It's hard to "let it play out" but I agree that's the best way. Freedom in the release… I like that!

    LizzyBelle

    Read more: http://www.graceisforsinners.com/youre-going-to-b
    Under Creative Commons License: Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives

  4. 4 Sisterlisa said at 10:02 am on June 8th, 2012:

    "You have no idea what you’re mistakes have caused others to face in their own lives."

    True… and it may not even be her mistake that makes them have to face something in their own life..it may be the grace she found that makes them see something..or a lack of something..in their own hearts.

    In all the sadness I suffered leaving a congregation I had to just walk forward in Christ and leave them be. As painful as it was, there was no convincing them of anything. They had their minds made up and some of them, I think, were just paralyzed with fear and couldn't be warm towards me. So instead of blaming them, I pitied them and prayed for them. I had to walk into a new life with Christ and make new friends.
    My recent post Join Me for Chit Chat

  5. 5 Elizabeth said at 2:25 pm on June 8th, 2012:

    This is beautiful. I love that you urge us to not withhold grace from those who are withholding grace from us. This is how you become like Jesus. "He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth." Isaiah 53.7
    My recent post How Truth Got Hijacked

  6. 6 dawn said at 2:56 pm on June 8th, 2012:

    I love this blog. It's very helpful and delightfully interesting, as always.

  7. 7 Marlene said at 7:22 pm on June 8th, 2012:

    There's a lot to chew on in this posting but I think you're last line sums it all up… "If He says you’re free, you’re free."

    I'm free!!!!!!!

  8. 8 serenawoods said at 9:32 pm on June 8th, 2012:

    Thanks, LizzyBelle. :)

  9. 9 serenawoods said at 9:37 pm on June 8th, 2012:

    You have a great point, Lisa. Grace is really hard for people to stomach when they can't yet offer it. It seems like there is no justice… until you remember Jesus. Jesus took the thrashing that the sinner deserved. That has to be enough, because if it's not, then we're all in serious trouble. If we're not all in serious trouble, then somebody is in danger of blasphemy. People have to be careful when they start sizing up the worth of another. They are playing with tools they know nothing about.

  10. 10 serenawoods said at 9:39 pm on June 8th, 2012:

    Thanks for that, Elizabeth. :) All I know is that it's my only way to keep my heart from getting bitter and ugly. I have to look for God in it, the purpose of it all…

  11. 11 serenawoods said at 9:39 pm on June 8th, 2012:

    Thanks, Dawn. :)

  12. 12 serenawoods said at 9:39 pm on June 8th, 2012:

    Happy chewing, Marlene. ;)

  13. 13 KTM said at 2:31 pm on June 10th, 2012:

    I am in a season of hurt & judgement at work. No matter what I try to say or show, I am being judged for something else. While this is different obviously from an affair, this all still applies to everyday life. I have been angry at my accuser. But I must extend grace. I must walk away from this judgement & cling to the words of the Savior. He set me free, so I am free. I don't have to worry about the opinion of others. Thank you Serena for your eloquent words & others for sharing their stories. We all learn from each other.