When I wrote my first book, I was consumed with all the things I was learning. I went to scripture, initially, to hear the final word from the final Voice because I knew, and everyone else who knew me knew, that I was done for. I couldn’t shake whatever it was inside me that wouldn’t let me give up and I needed something to make me let go. I was not looking for something to make me okay, I was looking for the death blow of judgment.
“Tell me you don’t love me so I can be free from this pain.”
But He didn’t. Instead, He showed me something. This panoramic view that doesn’t stop when I turn right or turn left to reach its end. It has no end.
…and I’ve been writing about it ever since.
I am still completely entrenched in scripture because it’s alive to me. I can see it clearly. I write constantly. I am consumed with thinking about all these things, …the depths of Truth, …and I can’t get enough. He, like wild, silent wind, is speaking to me…showing me things…and the only way to relieve the pressure is to open myself up and pour it out.
When I wrote ‘Grace Is For Sinners’ I literally shook at the keyboard. I could not get my fingers to type fast enough. A violent picture of eternity being poured into the fragility of flesh and blood until that flesh and blood was ready to burst at the seams. What spills out is my worship. It creates the feeling that if I held it in, I would die. It’s almost too much.
Another tsunami of information and clarity is pouring into me and I am back to that place of being so consumed, I’m squirming in my skin. It’s too much for isolated blog posts. I have to write until it stops and then I’ll have to give it a name and put it in another cover-bound piece of worship.
When I tried to get my first book published, I was told that the work I had written was too big for me. I already knew that. I published it myself and, though I don’t know how, it has made it’s way across the world. It has found a home in the hands of strangers. It is fulfilling its purpose with no help from me or a money-backed entity.
I don’t know what path this next book will take. Whether it is published by me or a bigger corporation is not my concern. I have to write, regardless. It’s screaming inside me and writing alleviates the a bit of the pressure, though it doesn’t lift the burden. It’s a weird kind of painful. I don’t know if that makes any sense, but I can identify with this…
“…necessity is laid upon me. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel!” -Paul, 1 Corinthians 9:16 ESV
I will be blogging less frequently while I write this other book. If you want to keep up on little tidbits, I share them on my facebook page.
I’m answering the summons. I’m telling you this so that you know what’s going on and you can keep me in your prayers.
I’ll be out in the field gathering evidence.