The only person who would hold a person down when they fell is the one who had something to gain from that fall.
There is this wildly competitive spirit in the sub-culture of Christianity. Everyone wants to be blameless and above reproach. Most are taught to live their lives in a way that nobody can have doubts about them. Father’s teach their children that the unbelieving world is watching them all the time and they must not give them a reason to discredit their Christianity. They say that, even if you’re not doing anything wrong, it’s wrong if you make people doubt you or God. This people pleasing mentality is even given that high gloss sheen of extreme righteousness. If the sheen is glossy enough, it can glare out the ‘self’ in self-righteous and keep people blinded and disoriented enough to not know why the whole thing feels so wrong.
It’s because it is wrong. Bizarre behavior of forced spirituality and the pressure to fake it, too. Get out. There is something real and something deep inside you knows it. Get away from the counterfeit other wise ‘those who wait on the Lord’ will start to settle for the High School melodrama version.
If you’re someone who has been ejected from that merry-go-round, sit back for a while and take inventory of what you can see now. You’ve fallen and instead of helping you up, like they preach, they spit condemnation at you. They don’t want you back on their toy. Now you can see the holes in the faith system. You may have been aware of them before, but there’s nothing like falling through one to get you to care about it.
Now look at those who refuse to show you grace. Instead of assuming they’re speaking for God, think about what they may have to gain from your failure. Even the comparison is enough for some to list your faults and failures. It elevates them to decrease you. Did they gain relationships from your fall? Relationships that used to belong to you?
No one would refuse to offer you unshackled grace unless they were afraid of what you could reveal about them or what you could take away from them. God’s grace doesn’t only affect the the recipient, it realigns the entire group. Some see that coming and they’re terrified of it. Their terrified of losing the ground and honor.
This tyrannic behavior can’t last long, however. People are watching and they need to start taking steps to build a bridge. They don the white hat and tie while they make others do the work. They load you down with self doubt and expectations that they’re hoping you can never navigate properly. Their hand is on the button to get the wrecking ball swinging again and you’re left dancing to avoid his flying bullets. They never intend to bring you back, they just want to make it look like they’re trying and you’re still failing.
They seem to take pleasure in watching you stagger under these loads, and wouldn’t think of lifting a finger to help. Their lives are perpetual fashion shows, embroidered prayer shawls one day and flowery prayers the next. They love to sit at the head table at church dinners, basking in the most prominent positions, preening in the radiance of public flattery, receiving honorary degrees, and getting called ‘Doctor’ and ‘Reverend.’ -Jesus, Matthew 23:4-7
You don’t have to worry about relying on people to set things right. God’s hands aren’t tied and this suffering won’t last forever. Not one second of ignorant people using God’s name to torture you in the dark has gone unnoticed. He sticks up for the broken and abused. A victim can quickly become a tormentor if they don’t trust that God can handle their vengeance better than they can. God appears to delay and men become impatient with the pain. Don’t weaken the end result by taking bits and pieces of payback into your own hands. Stop the vicious cycle by letting them take the allegorical swings. They’re tallied. When they have to answer for their behavior, they’ll have the same choice that you did when you were called out. You can answer for yourself, relying on your own ability to debate and hope God can’t see the recesses of your heart, or you can let Jesus answer for you.
You have to be ready for them to (and hope that they will) get off without punishment. The way to do this is to remind yourself of what it was like to be aware of your own dark heart with nothing in you to make it go away. You have to remember what it was like to receive grace because the actual experience removes the fear that setting someone free only frees them to hurt you more. It doesn’t and those who have been there know this. It changes you. Be ready for their own ‘burning’ during that ‘purifying’ process and make a point to be one of the first to go on record as one who loves them and believes in them.
Bide your time leaving a trail to peace. Carry your basket of stars and leave them clues that you believed in them all along. In this horrible time of feeling like you’re underneath them, maybe you can distract yourself by making preparations for the party when the hell is over.