“…He who had set me apart before I was born, and who called me by his grace, was pleased to reveal his Son to me, in order that I might preach him among the Gentiles, I did not immediately consult with anyone; nor did I go up to Jerusalem to those who were apostles before me, but I went away…”- Galatians 1:15-17

When God took away Paul’s physical vision, his spiritual eyes opened. Like when you close your eyes to strengthen your sense of smell, or turn down your radio so you don’t miss the street sign, He removed one sense to make the other stronger. It is only when God saw fit to reveal Jesus to Paul that he understood his predestined purpose. Paul didn’t make it happen. He was literally blindsided.

Being called by grace before you were even born means that only grace can make the mistakes of your past, present, and future no match for the purpose you were created to fulfill. If you think you are unfit, you are more right than ever. You are unfit, that’s the beauty of complete reliance on the God who creates, calls, equips. It removes reliance on self and that’s a scary beautiful place to be.

Paul responded in a personal way and it’s something that I think we should take note of. God speaks to us all the time. He nudges us in directions that may be a 180 turn from the direction in which you were once confident. What people usually do is consult others in this new revelation or direction and too often, the people we are consulting with don’t get it. In order to not rock the boat, we stay quiet and ignore our call. But, Paul didn’t consult with the people around him. He didn’t even try to find the others who were already where he was called to go.

I have caught myself reading scripture and negatively wishing that ‘so and so’ would read that. Then I have a catch in my spirit that would tell me: “My Word is my message to you.”

I am the one who needs that message. When I stop reading with an agenda, I find Him waiting for me to listen.

People can read scripture, hear from God, and then reject it because it’s not something that their religious influences would agree with. They read and balance what they hear against other human beings.

His Word is a message to you. He doesn’t grow groups to grow people. He grows people and the groups are inevitable. It doesn’t matter what your friends think. You are in a relationship with God, the rest are just passing through. You have to trust God enough to lead you in ways that your spirit will understand even when your finite mind cannot.

Don’t bring the thoughts of other people in the room with you when you’re spending time with Him. He’s talking to you. It’s time to take a break from the world and listen.

God has already determined to what extent and what part you will be used to play in His plan. He has called you to do and be something that it impossible under your own strength and if you ask people around you, they may not see the potential that God does. We rarely do. Humans are competitive, they’re political, and they don’t like to put faith in the unknown. They bank on certainty and call it ‘faith’. That’s not faith. If you’re too concerned about what people will think, if they’ll approve, or if they’ll support you, then it is less likely that you will follow the call.

People are in our lives for seasons and it’s good. But, when it’s time for you to move on you will see these relationships weaken and you may not know why. People can hold you back or they can encourage you, but if you’re waiting for approval, then you’ll be waiting much longer under the strain of the call, making yourself unnecessarily stressed and fidgety. I’m telling you this because if you don’t understand what is happening, then you’ll question your relationship with God and your spiritual life to the point of sucking all the life out of it.

When God reveals the bigger picture to you, you will not be able to rest until you act on it. The lack of rest feels like you’re doing something wrong because what is happening right now is no longer what you are supposed to be a part of. This isn’t a negative thing to beat yourself up about. It’s an amazing thing because you’re now ready for the next phase in your journey. Don’t bother counting your losses. Don’t worry about attending the funeral of what is over, just pack up and get moving.

Everything from the foundation of the world has been a set up for the crowning of Jesus. Nothing exeeds the importance of that one event and nothing can change it.

Even the unborn have been called to purpose. No matter what, you cannot undo your purpose or avoid your path. It’s not only that He knows what you’ll do, it’s that He’s designed you for a specific use and you will most definitely be used to that end. You know this is true if you really believe that it’s God moving through you and not you moving yourself. You don’t get to pick what part of you He uses. Those who know, know that God uses the parts of you that you would rather keep behind a locked and closed door marked, “Sacred”.

And the children were yet unborn and had so far done nothing either good or evil. Even so, in order further to carry out God’s purpose of selection (election, choice), which depends not on works or what men can do, but on Him Who calls [them]...-Romans 9:11 AMP

Some things between us and God are hard to explain. He meets us in places we should have never been. He recognized us when we didn’t even recognize ourselves. These times in our lives are ugly and dark, but He was there. You can’t explain it and you can’t explain it away. You keep quiet, but He keeps nudging.

People need to know that no matter how far they run, He’s always right there. He takes every step they take. He will never, ever, leave them. They need to know this so they can be saved. They need to know this so they can be righteous. Every time they are under attack, He is right there holding the leash to the one who attacks them. Every time they hit the ground, He is right there. He is the wind on the face of the one running away. He’s the leaves in the hair of the one hiding in shame. He is with you always because He is ‘I AM’.

Some of us were created to reflect God’s mercy and some of us can attest to God’s dissatisfaction. I am one who can testify to both. We are characters created to be a witness in the trial. One day we will be subpoenaed.

God lets evil plans form and emerge as they wreak havoc, only to thwart them and turn it into something that brings the beaten closer to Him. Evil exists, but ultimately answers to Him. Pain peirces, but only brings the broken closer to Him. Sin bulldozes blooming gardens only to make room for the flowers of mercy.

Everything answers to God. Everything has it’s time in the sun, it’s fifteen minutes (years?), but none of it has the last word.

No matter where your path has taken you, no matter what you’ve done, not matter what has been done to you, none of it gets the last word on your life. God does and He does what He says.

His biggest statement concerning you was Jesus.

Read part of this song David wrote:

From the four corners of the earth 
      people are coming to their senses, 
      are running back to God. 
   Long-lost families 
      are falling on their faces before him. 
   God has taken charge; 
      from now on he has the last word. 

  All the power-mongers are before him 
      —worshiping! 
   All the poor and powerless, too 
      —worshiping! 
   Along with those who never got it together 
      —worshiping! 

  Our children and their children 
      will get in on this 
   As the word is passed along 
      from parent to child. 
   Babies not yet conceived 
      will hear the good news— 
      that God does what he says. (Psalm 22:27-31 MSG)

Plato had a story about a cave that he used to illustrate his theory of existence. In his book ‘Republic’ he invites readers to imagine a “cave in which some prisoners are bound so that they can look only at the wall in front of them. Behind them is a fire whose light casts shadows of various objects on the wall in front of the prisoners. Because the prisoners cannot see the objects themselves, they regard the shadows they see as true reality. One of the prisoners eventually escapes from the cave and, in light of the sun, sees real objects for the first time, becoming aware of the big difference between them and the shadow images he had always taken for reality.”

The cave “represents the world we see and experience with our senses”, and the world of sunlight represents another realm that Plato called, the realm of Forms. The prisoners represent ordinary people, who, “in taking the sensible world to be the real world, are condemned to darkness, error ignorance, and illusion.” The escaped prisoner is the one who has seen the “light, truth, beauty, knowledge, and true reality.”

If he returns to the cave to tell the prisoners how things really are, “they will think his brain has been addled. “This difficulty is sometimes faced by those who have seen the truth and decide to tell others about it.”

I’m telling you this story because it hits close to home. There are two different realities. They have been referred to as ‘flesh and spirit’, ‘the world’s way and God’s way’, ‘worldly and spiritual’, ‘temporal and eternal’, etc…

Jesus references His Father’s ‘Kingdom’ when He’s teaching. He also remarks at His use of language that the listeners can understand instead of using ‘plain language’ that will go over their heads.

“I have said these things to you in figures of speech. The hour is coming when I will no longer speak to you in figures of speech but will tell you plainly about the Father.” -Jesus in John 16:25

When He did use plain language, it got him in trouble. He tells His followers that if they talk about His Kingdom, the way it works, and the real truth, then they’ll be hated, too.

“If you lived on the world’s terms, the world would love you as one of its own. But since I picked you to live on God’s terms and no longer on the world’s terms, the world is going to hate you. …They are going to do all these things to you because of the way they treated me, because they don’t know the One who sent me. If I hadn’t come and told them all this in plain language, it wouldn’t be so bad. As it is, they have no excuse.” -Jesus in John 15:19, 21-22 MSG

He tells analogies (parables) and says “The Kingdom is like….” in an effort to get people to use the shadows to get a hint of the reality. (see Matthew 13, 20, and Luke 13 to study more.)

1 Corinthians 13 uses plain language in reference to what I’m talking about. Look at this:

“For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.” -1 Corinthians 13:12

There are two separate realities that you continually have to choose between. The Bible speaks to people in both realms of awareness. There is an eternal language, for those who can hear  it, and there is a temporal language for those who are still finding their bearings. Many senseless arguments erupt between people who are more fluent in ‘eternal’ and people who are more fluent in ‘temporal’. It’s senseless because one group is talking about ‘x’ and the other is talking about ‘y’. We need mediators so that people can understand each other better and actually get somewhere. More often than not, they would realize they believe the same thing. Instead, they’re much like allies with bags over their heads. They fight the wrong people.

It would be helpful to categorize things into their appropriate realms. The spiritual realm is the greatest because it never dies. Consider what belongs there and out of those things, what is the greatest? The Bible is clear about what we should be concerning ourselves with and it says that love is the greatest. What falls in line after that?  For example, where do the personal rules you follow regarding practice fit? Where does your treatment of others fit? They’re in two different realms. One is more important than the other.

Spend your time on the things that exist in the eternal world, or as you’re used to hearing it: ‘Walk in the spirit.” You have to take inventory of your treasures and start sorting them so that you spend your time on what matters and shelf the things that don’t.

What are some things that you could categorize?…

They all wonder what is going to happen to them.

What they don’t understand is it’s not about what someone will do to them. It’s about what they’ll do. It’s the moment when you see yourself at your worst, are clear about your fault, and are completely hopeless.

The question that comes next: “Do I have to sin to really see God?” But, that’s only dating the false assumption that they don’t sin.

If you think that you are without sin or have the ability to be strong enough to avoid it, then you do not know God. It is impossible to receive a gift if you think you don’t need it. Grace is not yours if you spend your life running from it.

What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? -Romans 6:1

If that is what you took from this, then you’re not getting it.

By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? -Romans 6:2

Grace is not yours if you spend your life running from it. That means that you can live the most pristine moral life and still not have a relationship with God. Squeaky cups and dirty guts. The best wine could be poured into your glass and come out with rehydrated bits of yesterday’s gross.

You can hear the best delivered truths and your preconceived agenda twists the meaning right out of them.

Those who have been saved by grace in the moment of complete terror and spiritual despair know that their salvation cannot be messed with. They know this because it came to them at their worst. They’re not living in fear, they’re living their new life knowing that sin can never, ever destroy them.

What then? Are we to sin because we are not under law but under grace? -Romans 6:15

From the moment the Gospel has been preached, the same questions come up. They still come up. Nobody is saying anything new, it’s just that the more explicit the message, the more intense the challenge to the pious. People fight the Gospel like they’re fighting for their life. It’s just that they’re fighting for a life they’re supposed to die to.

Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness? -Romans 6:16

You’re obeying sin when you’re living in fear of it. That’s how you become a slave to sin.

For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. -Romans 6:20

Sin is a micromanaging slave owner welding a whip of guilt and threats of condemnation. The overweight bully picks on you because a sense of entitlement demands that everyone else satisfies him while he gorges himself on making you feel like you’re nothing but a failure.

You know you have to be righteous, nobody lied to you regarding that, but if you actually think you have the ability to satisfy the demand, then you are a slave under a master who will never tell you that the war is over and freedom has been won.

It’s time to abandon your little slave shack of faith and run. Yeah, your oppressor will come after you, but by the time you get a chance to glance over your shoulder, you’ll be able to see him swallowed up by the Sea of Truth.

Even better? If sin believes you’re dead, then he no longer has the power to kill you and won’t come looking for you.

Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. -Romans 6:3-4

No amount of reasoning can take what Jesus did away from you.  Grace wins every single time.

How often have you had to hide the unfinished edges of your attempt to make something good out of your life with lies and fake smiles? Do you not know that what you hope for is actually real and it’s not your responsibility to think it up, get it started, or to maintain it?

But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. -Romans 6:21

It doesn’t matter how dressed up you can get. You can’t blur out the fact that inside your heart you know that you haven’t had a good meal in a long time and you’re starving. Maybe you shouldn’t sit at the table full of spiritual anorexics. They’ve lied to themselves for so long, solid truth makes them sick.

Sin is a master who cannot be satisfied. No matter how good you are, you know you’re not good enough and it makes you die a little inside. That’s the other side of why the ‘wages of sin is death’.

But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. -Romans 6:22-23

Religion is like “spraying perfume on a casket.”

But, I was a mess. Life was calling me forward and I didn’t want to go. Grace was unknown territory for me and I didn’t know the rules. I needed the rules, they made me feel safe, but I had broken them all and I was a shattered cast-out who was going to live though it.

I knew a lot about church and churchiness and what you’re supposed to do when you’re hurting. You’re supposed to praise God in the pain, for what-I didn’t know-…, but I really wanted to do something right.

My house sits up on a hill and my back deck faces the sky where all of my sins were carried out. It faces the sky that blankets all the people who I hurt. I looked at the all knowing sky, who could see everything, and I thought about God. I thought about my failure. I thought about the unknown future for all of us and I winced.

“God,” I prayed, “thank you for rebuilding me.”

I knew He was rebuilding me. I didn’t know what my new life would look like or how He was going to redeem my pathetic mess, but I still acknowledged and said it out loud.

When God talks to me, it’s a voice that seems to come from within, but I know it’s not my voice. It’s an interjected thought that is received exactly the way a spoken word would be received. God spoke up immediately…

“Serena, I removed you.”

The thought struck me as odd and foreign. His voice always quickens my heart. He uses few words and they’re profound enough to keep speaking when the words stop. I didn’t have to think about it for long because I understood it. It took me a bit to accept it, but I understood it.

Removed.

Removed from relationships. Removed from my religious community. Removed from my old life. Removed from my old comfort. Removed from my old safety…. I was removed and set down in a space of faith or die.

This stole the shame and guilt of ruining something I didn’t know how to fix. This truth gave it new meaning and purpose. My failure tangled with grace and I really didn’t know which way was up.

I once was a dried up piece of dirt until somebody planted a seed of faith. The seed took and the rains soaked me and washed me. I grew into a green sprout, drinking the sun and digging in deeper with my roots. I grew taller and stronger, even though I was surrounded by weeds. Weeds of twisted faith and oppression surrounded me and stunted my growth. Then I was ripped up and sent through a sieve. My hard covering was torn from me and I was naked and exposed. Scared to death until the Field Master’s hands scooped me up and called me a seed. The cycle of life and death continues and I morph with the will of the Field Owner.

Removed.

He removed me and replanted me and sang over me. The same voice that commanded the expanse of space to divide, and the water to fill the earth, and the land to divide the water, and the birds to fly, and the beasts to roam, and the body of Adam to live is the same voice that commanded my life to take a new form. The breath of His words filled my dead spaces and commanded me to, “Grow.”

It’s God’s grace that gives me life. It’s His choosing that gives me purpose. I am not my own and I know this because I’ve seen too much. I know better. I don’t do everything right. I stumble around with the best and worst, but I know what my purpose is. I know that my life is not my own. I was saved for a purpose and continue to try to live that out. Every breath I breathe is a gift. Every smile, every laugh, every lazy night with my family and good meal from my oven is a gift.

I was knocked down and torn to pieces by my failure. I was on the wrong track and I didn’t know it until I was blinded and disoriented. Then the voice of Jesus spoke grace into me and gave me a new purpose.

‘But rise and stand upon your feet, for I have appeared to you for this purpose, to appoint you as a servant and witness to the things in which you have seen me and to those in which I will appear to you, delivering you from your people and from the Gentiles—to whom I am sending you to open their eyes, so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.’ -Acts 26:15-18

If you are like I was, lost and torn to pieces by your own failure, then consider this message. You are not abandoned or cast out. You are loved. You are being rebuilt. And maybe, you too, have been removed. Removed ‘from your people’ and from the others. You’re a traveler in a foreign land and you have a message. Give in to grace. Fall in to forgiveness. Consider the purpose. The sun will rise and dissipate this dark night that scares and torments you. I have seen the sunrise. I have felt the warmth of new life on my face and I am here to tell you that it’s real.

Sit and crunch the cost. You’ll become very aware that you’re setting yourself up for failure. Then God asks, “Why would you plan for failure?”

When you dream and take the steps to make it happen, you have to keep looking at God. You really can’t look at the task. Doing that will only remind you that you can’t do it.

It is faith that keeps you from drowning and you’re not the boss.

I am ready to throw in the towel every day. I have no problem shutting everything down , slipping away, and disappearing. As soon as I hear the word, I’m gone.

I am an ant using my little legs to dig a tunnel through a mountain of stone and it hurts. I’m not alone… one of millions. If ten are digging in one direction, three are standing around, four are telling us we’re in the way, and three are shoveling rocks back in the hole.

My eyes are focused on something beyond the obvious. The obvious is, I’m nobody. I can’t do anything. I’m a flushed goldfish that re-emerged in a rip-current and I’m not big enough to get myself out. I’ll either end up drowned on the beach, food for a bigger fish, or I’ll actually reach my destination.

When you throw in your lot with God, He’ll either show up or not. I’d rather know than always have questions.

I try to do things that I cannot do. I could be an fool. Sometimes I feel like one. But I’m curious. I want to know how everything works. I want to find as many obstacles as possible and figure why they’re there and how to get passed them

One thing I know: The rip current of God’s will is stronger than anything I could do. If I threw in my towel and tossed my toddler toy back where I found it, things would still end up exactly the way they’re supposed to.

Now war arose in heaven, Michael and his angels fighting against the dragon. And the dragon and his angels fought back,… -Revelation 12:7

We know the war, we feel it in our bellies. Some will say, “Go easy, you’re treading dangerous ground.’ I say, “I will not go easy because I know the ground on which I tread.”

Some want things to be less controversial. The Gospel is controversial. They want the message to be easier to take. The Gospel wears a person out. It’s hard for the brain to stretch for the fit.

The war doesn’t rest. Coddling the status quo is a win for the other team.

Peace between good and evil is an impossibility; the very pretence of it would, in fact, be the triumph of the powers of darkness. -Charles Spurgeon

These things aren’t said to echo for no end. These things are said to wake them up, those who want to nurse at a breast instead of pick up a sword. If it hits home, then do something about it. It’s uncomfortable because it makes religious busy work look like kindergarten finger paintings. Countless broken people are out there and they need to know what has been done on their behalf.

The mother bird pushes her babies out of the comfortable nest to make them fly, not to kill them.

What would you say to the baby bird who clings to the nest and curses the mother? What kind of world would we live in if birds did not fly? They would be trampled by their predator.

What kind of people use His name, but do not know His voice?

“Strive to enter through the narrow door. For many, I tell you, will seek to enter and will not be able. When once the master of the house has risen and shut the door, and you begin to stand outside and to knock at the door, saying, ’Lord, open to us,’ then he will answer you, ’I do not know where you come from.’ Then you will begin to say, ’We ate and drank in your presence, and you taught in our streets.’ But he will say, ‘I tell you, I do not know where you come from. Depart from me, all you workers of evil!’ -Luke 13:24-27

The ‘narrow door’ is Jesus. It’s so narrow that you cannot fit through it. You can do a lot of work in His name. You can eat and drink in His presence. You can hear His teaching your whole life. You can do all of these things and still not know Him. He’ll say that He doesn’t know from where you come. “Workers of evil.”

Softening this message is like censoring the Cross. Too many people are in their own personal hell and a censored message can’t compare.

A few years ago I was driving home from a Bible Study I taught at my church. A woman in attendance took issue with some things that I taught. I was praying and asked God, “How do I explain you to them?” I was having a hard time because I know what the message sounds like. His response was, “Don’t apologize for me.”

“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.” -Jesus, Matthew 10:34

A storm rages around an off-course ship. Are you a ‘beacon’ on the shore or are you the storm? A traveler chased a mirage into a scorching desert. Are you a well-keeper or are you a vulture waiting for your next meal? A soldier is wounded on the battle field. Are you going to drag him to the Healer or are you going to finish the enemy’s work with your bayonet?

The sailor finds the beacon only to not be dry enough for the lighthouse keeper’s fancy rug. The parched traveler finds the well only to be too thirsty for the stingy well-keeper. The soldier is too hurt to get out of the way while the others march past him.

Teach the sailor to be a lighthouse keeper, he knows the storm better than anyone. Teach the traveler how to draw from the well. Living Water never runs dry. Help those who fall on your path. They’ll be there to help you when you fall later.

The Gospel is divisive and can’t be divided. It’s divisive in the way the Sword divides flesh from Spirit. It can’t be divided because if you water it down, no one will recognize it. It becomes religious fluff.

“…when we preach the Gospel to every creature, the Gospel makes its own division and Christ’s sheep hear His voice and follow Him.”-Charles Spurgeon, Too Little for the Lamb

I’m thinking about you today. Holidays don’t make everything better, do they? Holidays only stop the routine distractions that keep you from thinking and shove the reality into your tiny tent of safety. Reality echos off the emptiness. The things you used to bake aren’t welcome on that table anymore. Life goes on without you and you’re still here to feel the loss. They have each other and you have your emptiness.

Something I learned in that tent is that all the meaning I used to give these weeks of whirl are drowned out by the deeper meaning of what they’re really about. Instead of my ability to create a magical experience, I was whittled down to complete inability to right my wrongs and fix my mistakes. When I was unable to create meaning, Meaning found me. The removal of routine distractions forced me to see what had real Meaning.

It’s a quiet voice that won’t let you die. It’s as without effort as your heartbeat and your never ending breath in and breath out. You can’t stop life no more than you can create it. You can’t will yourself dead just like the dying can’t will themselves more time. The fact that you’re still alive is proof that you still have purpose. It all has purpose. The pain of emptiness, loneliness, and brokenness have a purpose and no one can save you from it. You may not know it right now, (I’m almost positive that you don’t), but your pain is your salvation…real salvation, not sentimental salvation. No one can save you from what becomes your salvation.

The fact that you’re still here is proof that your story isn’t over. That kind of hope is stronger than your strength to make it out of the desire to make it. You know you’re at the bottom when you no longer have the desire to make it, but life won’t let you go. There is still hope of rescue when physical death won’t rescue you.

I want to challenge you to reject self-pity. I know, at times, it has become your comfort. I know that self-pity carries a cheap hope that someone will see your eyes and do something to take your pain away. But, if someone can do that for you, then it alleviates your need for Jesus. Don’t do that. Don’t look to a person to do what only He can. I promise you, even though He feels like He’s keeping His distance, just like everyone else, He’s not. Your suffering is only for a moment in the big collection of moments.

Suffering from your own failure is aggressive because there is no relief to be found in guiltlessness. Guiltlessness doesn’t exist.

This is me offering a silent nod in your direction because I recognize where you are. I know how bad it hurts. But, more than knowing the suffering, I know the rest. I know what is coming and I have no doubt in your survival. I see your suffering as birth pains. You can’t rescue a woman from labor because you would take the new life away from her. Like a woman in labor, embrace the suffering with hope. Hope is the balm for the pain.

You’re not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It’s the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won’t last forever. It won’t be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does. -1 Peter 5:9-11 MSG

Those of us who have been through it, like women who can recount every moment of childbirth, sit and marvel at the miracle. You don’t fully understand unless you’ve been through it, and those who have love to tell the story. You’re going to have your own story soon. You’ll be able to sit around a table of Thanksgiving with new meaning and new life. All the old that you thought was real will fade in comparison.

Will you do something today? I know you don’t feel like it, I know it seems useless, but will you bake something? Bake something as a testament to the fact that you’re still alive. Eat at a table even though some of the chairs are empty. They won’t always be empty. Bake a meal as a labor of hope. It lets the wolves know that they have not yet sucked every last drop of blood from your veins.

Take this promise from God and use it to get through the next few weeks. I know it hurts, but there is hope. I know this because I have seen it. He knows where you are, that you’re in exile. He knows that everything has been destroyed, and He knows how bad it hurts. He’s not leaving you there, He’s making something new. He’ll never leave you, even if everyone else does.

This exile is just like the days of Noah for me: I promised then that the waters of Noah would never again flood the earth. I’m promising now no more anger, no more dressing you down. For even if the mountains walk away and the hills fall to pieces,
My love won’t walk away from you, my covenant commitment of peace won’t fall apart.” The God who has compassion on you says so. -Isaiah 54:9-10 MSG

The God who has compassion on you says so.

The fire raged around me. Entities that were not friends screamed at me from the inside out and from the outside in. I was being consumed.

They said that they believed they were doing what God would have them do. I know how it sounds and if ‘here and now’ is all there is, then they would be horribly and blatantly wrong. But, you must know, I believe they were doing what God wanted them to do. Not because it was right in and of itself, but because of what God brought out of it. I do not believe that God worked in spite of their mistakes. I believe that God wanted them to reject me, …even in His name. It was a fire of condemnation that needed to be fanned to rage.

Every single bit of false that was in me was consumed. I believed them when they told me that I could not be sorry enough to be forgiven. I believed them when they told me that I was further from God than I had ever been. The false that was consumed was the hint of hope that I could be sorry enough to be forgiven. My hope in myself, my ability to pay, and my ability to, in time, bounce back was destroyed. I, all that remained in all that “I” was, was completely destroyed.

It’s normal to think that kind of hopelessness is not from God, but I have been there and I can tell you that it was. It’s not because of them. Their words and attitudes are full of disgusting pride and fat on self-righteousness, but it’s not about them. It’s about what they were used for. The hopelessness that I felt was not a destination, it was a tool to get me to a destination. I had to feel every moment of it so that I would know what I was rescued from. If hell is separation from God, then I got to eat a full meal of it.

If I look at them without considering the sovereignty of God, then I am repulsed. But, when I consider the garden that grew where the fire once consumed, then my mind goes directly to a God. He knows exactly what it takes to break the steel chains of self-inflated lies that keep you from being free. I am a very strong-willed punk. It took a dose of hell to break me. Who better to use than the people who will discern His voice and obey? While I can see their lies, I can see the way God used those lies. I can thank God for it and forgive what they inflicted.

Sometimes God instigates a hellish time for you, but if your faith is nearsighted you will only see your circumstances and the purpose will be blurred.  God hardened Pharaoh’s heart on purpose. It caused Pharaoh to make the Israelite’s life hell. When Moses cried out to God, “Does this look like rescue to you?” (Ex5:22, The Message), he wanted to know the “why?”. God made it clear that He wanted the Israelite’s to know what they were being rescued from, just in case they were tempted to go back (Ex6:6, 7:4, 14:4, 14:18). He wanted them to know who He is.

There is no point when God is not in on what is going on with you. It’s not about looking at everyone else and concerning yourself with how wrong they are. God is using every bit of it to lead you somewhere, or burn you, or break you. Do you want in on this or not? That’s the real ‘coming to Jesus’ moment.

Look at what Job said when he figured this stuff out:

You have granted me life and steadfast love, and your care has preserved my spirit. Yet these things you hid in your heart; I know that this was your purpose. -Job 10:12-13

I love the way The Message puts it: “You gave me life itself, and incredible love. You watched and guarded every breath I took. But you never told me about this part.”

I am trying to get you to see that you cannot look at your circumstances, at the people who wrong you, or at your own failures and think that this is all there is. This is a moment in a lifetime of moments. In all of it, there is never a point where things get out of God’s hands. He’s God. Nobody wins against Him.

He’s not going to rescue you out of your circumstances. He’s using your circumstances to rescue you.

You build a shelter to sleep under at night. Then, you go out during the day to find Him. You look everywhere, working sun-up to sun-down, only to go back to your shelter defeated. You will never find Him until you realize that He is where you are. He is the shelter that keeps you covered at night. He sits where you’re real and waits for you to come back. He wants to heal you where you’re broken and you’re broken where you don’t want to be.

Though he slay me, I will hope in him… -Job 13:15

He wants you to trust Him like that.