point of no return

Posted: November 4th, 2009 | Filed under: life | Tags: | 1 Comment »

Have you seen the movie, ‘Point Of No Return’? Bridget Fonda’s character is a drugged out girl from the streets who gets sentenced to death for murdering a police officer. She gets the lethal injection only to wake up, later, in a chamber of a secret compound. She gets the choice of life or death. If she chooses life, she has to give it to this assassin agency and her old life doesn’t exist. To the rest of the world, she died from the lethal injection.

That’s kind of how I see my life. Minus the drug use and assassinations… but I deserved death and was given life, but with the stipulation that my life is no longer my own.

I get so confused when people talk about looking for evidence of God’s grace in another’s life. What are they looking for?  I’ve had people ask me how God has shown me His grace. Do you want to know what the biggest evidence is for me? My faith.

For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith.Romans 12:3 NAS

I can’t explain the difference between my faith and understanding now versus my faith and understanding before my fall. It’s night and day.  And to think that it came through my shattered self-righteousness. God’s grace, to me, is found the ‘measure’ He’s given me. And I find my faith in its purest form when I emphatically understand and agree with Job when he says:

Because even if he killed me, I’d keep on hoping.Job 13:15

What demands can you make to a God who owes you nothing? Life is given when death is deserved. Life is your grace. If you’ve lost it, you’ve found it. Don’t put your hands on it again. You get to live what isn’t yours.

My point of no return was answering the call to go through death to find life. I can’t reenter the blind life because I can’t un-know what I know or un-see what I’ve seen. I’ve lost my naivete.

I don’t choose what I’m used for. Maybe a thorn, maybe a sword.

Stop looking for monetary value. Stop searching for sparkles and asking for proof. I’ve had an encounter. Somewhere in the desert of life, I was collided with the Creator. I can’t be bothered with proving my worth, I have a hard enough time trying to articulate the visions streaming through my head. But, I have the most fun trying.

Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, each of us is to exercise them accordingly… according to the proportion of his faith. -Romans 12:6 NAS

Do you remember your point of no return? When did everything change for you?


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One Comment on “point of no return”

  1. 1 Becky said at 4:36 am on November 4th, 2009:

    Serena ~ I have really enjoyed reading your posts! My point of no return… when I was 15… I knew then my life was not my own. I go back to that moment over and over again.