me today

Posted: August 24th, 2010 | Filed under: life | Tags: | 9 Comments »

It’s 5am and I’m making breakfast muffins for my kids. Today is the first day of school and everybody is nervous, including me. I think the older I get, the more sentimental I get. Or maybe the older they get, the more I feel like I’m losing them. I have a high schooler for the first time. So, I’m almost positive I’m a cliche.

I’m surprised 5am is being nice to me. I usually don’t get along with mornings. I get close to it at the other end, like staying up until 3am, but not this end. The sun isn’t even up.

My online friend, Jenni Clayville, is hosting an ‘Affair Week’ (actually two weeks). I don’t know if she did this on purpose, but she chose almost every ‘affair’ perspective. (click the names to read their stories) The first day was Justin Davis. He had an affair, hindsight showed him the hole in the accountability part of ‘community’ and is now creating something to fill the hole for others. The second was Trisha, his wife. She literally opens up her journal so you can see her pain and shares her hope. Sarah Markley shared her story of how she and her husband, Chad, had to divorce who they were before her affair. The good and the bad… Cindy Beall added her own story. Including how she was able to make room on her lap for an innocent little boy her husband fathered with another woman. She also made room in her heart for the little boy’s mother. Alece Ronzino opened herself up and told you why she chose to divorce her husband and is healing from the damage. Not an easy thing to do when you’re among ‘survival stories.’ Yesterday, Brian Clayville, Jenni’s husband, shared what it was like for him to not try to sweep his wife’s affair under the rug so they could be ‘normal’ quicker. He waited to say he forgave her until he knew he had so as to not make their connection emotionally cheap and forever wounded.

So, today is my turn. I am the adulterous woman in the worst case scenario. The scenario everyone wants to avoid or survive. Like a disease.

If grace wasn’t real, if the hell wasn’t so aggressive, if the hopelessness wasn’t so terrifying, I would live my life with a buried secret and let everyone think good things about me. The only problem with that is, I know for a fact there are others, like me, out there who are screaming silently to be saved and given another chance. I can’t leave them. I can’t let them feel alone. It was too real for me. Forget about what you think of me, I’m going out there.

Jenni is letting me take up two days on her blog. (I get long winded, so she had to spread me out.) Then, she’ll write her thoughts on my book and host a giveaway. Go check it out and, please, let me know you were there. If you need or want my book, then enter her giveaway. I have it sitting on my desk, ready to put your name on it with my fancy pen.

Have a good Tuesday, I’ve got to get moving!

mt

my 5am moon


9 Comments »


9 Comments on “me today”

  1. 1 Tracey said at 4:33 am on August 24th, 2010:

    Serena, your Black Sheep (Part I) post was amazing! Thank God that you are willing to share your story! I too was in an adulturous relationship. I too was deeply wounded. Being able to identify with your spectrum of feelings is comforting — it helps to know that I'm not alone. May God bless you richly for your honesty, humility and transparency.

  2. 2 Serena Woods said at 4:54 am on August 24th, 2010:

    thank you, tracey. 🙂 I left a response at jenni's, too.

  3. 3 jenni said at 5:59 am on August 24th, 2010:

    my heart friend… thank you for the shout-out here. i can't wait to see how God's kingdom is impacted by you sharing what you did at my place. satan is NOT impressed.

    i'm ok with that 🙂

    and btw… yes… i DID do that on purpose (the different perspectives).

  4. 4 Jason said at 6:43 am on August 24th, 2010:

    Great part 1 and can't wait for part 2!

  5. 5 Serena Woods said at 8:23 am on August 24th, 2010:

    Jenni: smart!

    Jason: Thanks!

  6. 6 Vicky said at 9:16 am on August 24th, 2010:

    hi Serena,

    One of my friends reccommended your book to me- I met her online when we were both trying to get over our affairs and had both had an abortion as a result of that affair.

    I am not a Christian, so I'm a bit reluctant to read it, but I am interested in forgiveness. Sometimes we say "I forgive you" far too easily. I know my partner said it and I never believed him, he forgave me because it was easier for him than asking me to leave. And in my messed up way, I pushed him and pushed him and I've cheated since.

    I've finally admitted (although he can't) that weren't right for one another and that we can't fix all the hurt both of us have been though whilst we are together.

    That's where I am now, wounded and broken and trying to forgive myself and wondering if there is anything out there for me?

  7. 7 Serena Woods said at 9:42 am on August 24th, 2010:

    Vicky,

    Thank you for letting me know you're there. It makes me ache when I think of the pain you must be carrying. I've been there.

    As for not being a Christian and hesitating to read my book, I totally understand. I am a Christian and I hesitate to read Christian books. 😉

    What you'll get with me is just an extremely raw account of what it is to be a human being and do something like what we did. You don't have to be a Christian to know how wrong we've been.

    I don't think I get too 'churchy'. As a matter of fact, I even manage to upset those who are.

  8. 8 Marnie said at 4:29 am on August 25th, 2010:

    Serena,

    I wanted to read both days before I commented….I wish I had words big enough, WOW. Your story is powerful.

  9. 9 Serena Woods said at 7:03 am on August 25th, 2010:

    Awesome, Marnie. 🙂


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