Comments on: holding back the storm

By: Larry

Larry — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 16:06:21 +0000

I don’t know if we really understand what happens to a marriage when infidelity happens. I believe the marriage dies and must be resurrected. That means that the old ways die and new life with new habits must take their place. Maybe your husband is pretty scared to open up to his own failing. That takes a lot of courage. He also may not know how to do that. It might be a good idea for him to spend some time with a counselor, as I hope you are, but also with an older man. Someone who has been slapped around by life a little. Our own pain and failures help us relate to others in a humble manner. An older man could listen to your husband’s story and ask questions that help him see in himself what God sees.

I pray God’s protection for you and your family.

By: TheNorEaster

TheNorEaster — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 08:30:14 +0000

Rainer: Thanks for the clarification.

Serena: When I was in GriefShare, I heard a great definition of how we know when we have forgiven someone: “You know you have forgiven someone when you begin to wish that person well.”

I have failed pretty well at that, but, even so, I pray for God to forgive those who have hurt me-and others. And I make it clear to Him how difficult it is for me to even ask that. Perhaps that most telling example was inviting an accused pedophile to a Bible study-which I had been leading-after losing a friend to suicide, in part, because she had been sexually abused as a child.

What can I say? Grace is for sinners.

By: Serena Woods

Serena Woods — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 19:26:42 +0000

I heard a a definition of forgiveness several years ago that has stuck with me: ‘Taking the effects if another’s failure against you and never letting them know what it cost you.’

By: Rainer

Rainer — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 19:11:45 +0000

Thanks for the comments, Nor. I guess the point I was trying to make was that if we are willing/able to truly forgive someone, then we are willing to no longer bring it up as a justification for withholding love, etc. I think far too often when we are sinned against, their is the expectation of someone needing to make it up to us – this being the “right” I was referring to – “I have a right to be bitter, resentful, hurt, etc. because of what you did to me.” So maybe its more appropriate to say that forgiveness requires us to give up our “right” to use our hurt in an unloving or manipulative way.

By: TheNorEaster

TheNorEaster — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 15:23:23 +0000

Rainer: With all due respect, I don’t quite think that “forgiveness requires us to give up our ‘right’ to feel hurt by someone else”.

I would, rather, say that forgiveness releases us from our sinful intention to hurt those who have hurt us and frees us from the temptation to take our pain out on someone else who is not at all responsible for our suffering.

By: Rainer

Rainer — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 23:27:24 +0000

Great question and responses. If I can just offer some additional thoughts. I think Serena’s message about allowing yourself to be broken has to be willingly received by the fallen one rather than required by the betrayed. As the one who has been betrayed (I am also in that category), its easy to fall into the trap of expecting that state of brokenness. However, we are called to love and forgive without conditions. We are called to love our spouses the way that Christ loved the church. Forgiveness requires us to give up our “right” to feel hurt by someone else. The challenge is to resist the message of unforgiveness that the world (and often the church) encourages us to adopt. Divorce is the embodiment of unforgiveness, and we only have to look at the divorce statistics for Christians to see how much we’ve adopted the world view.

By: TheNorEaster

TheNorEaster — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 07:46:46 +0000

What breaks the bear does not always shatter the shark.

Be patient. Have faith. Pray.

The Author is The Finisher.

By: Sisterlisa

Sisterlisa — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 06:03:48 +0000

Good explanation Serena.

By: tam

tam — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 21:15:42 +0000

what a remarkable response! it screams beauty and hope.

i love that you paint the picture of this woman possibly losing her husband. but losing him in the best way. he may die. but new the life will be so much better.

hoping for the best in this situation. for a death and a rebirth…

By: Melinda Lancaster

Melinda Lancaster — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 21:13:49 +0000

The Bible says that “love covers a multitude of sins.” You’ve made some excellent points in this post about showing grace and love (godly love like in I Cor. 13).
We live in such a self-focused world. Our tendency is to focus on what has been done to us not what we can do for others or what has been done FOR us. If the lens through which we view our circumstances was painted with grace how differently we would respond.
Thank you Serena for keeping it real & for reminding us what grace looks like in practical ways.