it all adds up to zip

Posted: June 23rd, 2008 | Filed under: life | No Comments »

I try to find significance in everything.  Not in a saintish (is that a word?) kind of way, but in a survival kind of way.  I’m actually pretty good at it.  I can interpret dreams, trace ‘right now’ to ‘back then’ and even find hope for the ‘right now’ in the ‘later’.  I’m not saying my interpretations are correct, I’m just saying that I can see things in things and things like that.  things.

I can’t figure out what is going on in my own life.  What does this ‘nothing’ that I am experiencing mean?  What role does my lack of success play in my story of success?  Is is pretentious of me to think that I’ll find success?  Maybe.  I’m not above that.  Don’t most people?  We try to find purpose, we try to be good at what we think our purpose is and we wait for it to pay off.  Right? How long do we wait?  How long do we keep plugging away at a rock that won’t break until we decide that we’re hitting the wrong rock?  What if we don’t have another rock to hit?

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