Opposite sex friendships aren’t limited to being between two people. They’re also not like same sex friendships.
They pull in the attention of significant others and there is a delicate balance that may be hard to keep.
You confide in a friend. You build up a friend.
You experience certain aspects of life with a friend and those experiences make the friendship grow.
There are inside jokes. Feelings. Emotions. Bonds.
What if they’re better at being a friend than your significant other?
What happens when they start to become a distraction?
What about when something happens and you wish you could have the ear of your friend because they would respond better than your spouse?
Frustration digs his feet into your marriage.
Thoughts wander to the other side of your walls.
What if you find more in common with your friend than you do your spouse?
Disrespect leaves crumbs in your bed.
With the distraction of someone else to confide in, there’s no real reason to fix the parts of your marriage that are breaking. By the time you notice them, it requires too much attention. And by this point, you have to search for reasons to fight. Reasons that have nothing to do with love.
This is the point when you wonder how this happened.
What could you have done different?
Are you friends with their spouse? It doesn’t matter how you know your friend, when it spills into your personal life, you should be able to be their spouses friend, too. If you’re not their spouses friend, then you’re not their friend.
If their spouse doesn’t connect with you when you try, there is a reason for it. You don’t get to blow past it and you’re not entitled to an explanation. It doesn’t matter if they’re wrong or crazy. It ends there.
As a married person, your thoughts, actions and voice should be filtered through your spouse. Not because you’re co-dependent or insecure, but because you’re one.
You represent each other when you’re out in the world. Don’t divide yourself in public.
I cringe when women talk about their husbands like they’re children. I don’t care if you’re right. Don’t make a woman who sees the treasure you have feel sorry for him and try to sooth his bruised ego. You don’t know what people can see. You see everything, the rest of the world only sees a piece and it’s probably the best piece. Protect him. If he goes down, so do you.
I’m annoyed when men talk about their ‘nagging’ wives. Where does your marriage win if you succeed in making the rest of the world feel sorry for you? Just because you don’t want to make her feel adored doesn’t mean that somebody else wouldn’t be happy to.
Don’t let anyone else see the gap between you. There are too many people who don’t see your spouse the way you do, they see your spouse the way they are longing to be seen. Don’t let a ‘friend’ in the vacant space. Fight to bridge it.
If you find yourself in the emotional mess I described in the beginning, try tracing your steps backward and make new choices. You’ll still suffer a loss. It’s your choice as far as what you want to lose.