grip

Posted: September 23rd, 2010 | Filed under: life | Tags: | 1 Comment »

Sometimes it’s the simplest things that can be the most powerful. The problem with powerfully simple is that it’s too easy to make a trinket out of it and the over exposure turns ‘powerful’ into cheesy.

Sometimes it’s the paper cuts that hurt worse than the wounds in need of stitches. The problem with paper cuts is you get no time off from life to deal with the sting.

I thought I was holding on to grace and if I let go, it would slip away from me. I held on to freedom giving scriptures with a death grip because if my grip slipped, death would find me. I have felt my strength waning. I have fought one too many spiritual battles on, what felt like, my own and the next one was too much. ‘I can’t fight for myself anymore,’ I said. What happens if I let go of my grip?

Is my death grip proof that I don’t believe past my own strength?

Bad days and spiritual attacks against my white knuckles remind me of what I’m running from. Sin’s sickness stealing night’s sleep. Vivid flashes of the time I held the apple. ‘...the apple. And, Lord, how I long to give it back.‘ And the woman bears the brunt. I can take my own and I can feel my legs give and I can hit the ground and feel the earth dig into my knees. I can listen to you scream your disapproval, but you’re only echoing what once ran through my own mind from my own self-judgement made drunk by the giddy vocabulary of Revelations’ ‘accuser’. I can recite it with you. But I can’t take it all. I can’t bear the weight of what someone else did to you. I am not Jesus. I can never do what He did. All lumped on Him and He hit His knees and nobody had pity on the naked man who bled the only thing that can take back the apple.

Is it me who saves me?

A mirror brought on with a shove from a faceless passerby.

I didn’t brace because I didn’t see it coming. I didn’t fight because, what’s the use? I let it hit me and swing me and knock my sweaty fingers loose and I went flying.

Flying, not falling.

I bet you didn’t know you could fly.

I’m not holding on to grace. Grace is holding on to me.

Some things it takes Jesus to explain.


1 Comment »


One Comment on “grip”

  1. 1 Serena Woods said at 8:52 am on September 23rd, 2010:

    no comments, just music.

    <img src="http://i611.photobucket.com/albums/tt196/GraceIsForSinners/mscftlhr.jpg&quot; alt="no comments" />