Listen carefully: Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you’ll have it forever, real and eternal. -John 12:24-25
Being dead to the world doesn’t mean being absent from society. It doesn’t mean putting yourself up in a ‘believer’s warehouse’ to wait for the rapture. Being dead to the world has more to do with not seeing yourself through the eyes of the world. Not being tied down by it, defined by it, limited by it.
The more you love, the more limitations in the world you experience. You sacrifice numerous opportunities to spend more time with those you love. The more you love others, the less selfish you are.
You can be a grain of wheat and live in a ‘grain of wheat house’ and have ‘grain of wheat’ barbecues with your ‘grain of wheat friends’. That’s all you’ll be. If you’re satisfied with life, then that’s enough for you. Your home, your friends, your routine… that’s all you want so that’s all there is.
But there are those of us who want something more. If you were to take us apart and put us under a microscope, we’d look just like everybody else. However, there is something rolling around in the empty spaces of our awareness. There is a deep sense that we are not just a ‘grain of wheat’. It’s a repressed memory, it’s a premonition, it’s a crazy idea that death is not why we were made. In fact, death is not the destination, but the the jumping off point.
We’re the lonely city kid who is stuck in the rural school. We’re the king of the jungle in a mid-Kansas zoo. We don’t fit in. If the city kid didn’t know he was a city kid, he wouldn’t know why he didn’t fit in. He would always think something was wrong with him. He’d never figure out who he was and never reach his potential because he would always try to be something he wasn’t.
The grain of wheat life is frustrating and confusing if you don’t know who you are.
Stop trying to be something you’re not. You’ll never succeed. You don’t work the way the others work. Stop trying to fit in, you’re reducing yourself. You can’t find the purpose you’re looking for unless you know what your purpose is.
Can’t you feel yourself outgrowing this life? Can’t you feel the walls closing in? Stop trying to hold on to the things that are slipping away. How low are you going to stoop to make this work?
You’re not just a ‘grain of wheat’. This isn’t your home.