I put on my tattered black and lay by you while the reality works its way through your veins. Breathing the creeping emptiness to keep it from making your room cold. I’m helpless to the loss that scathes your innocence inside out. The cruelty is unmatched as I lie helpless. The strength of my love cannot shield you. I can only lay beside you and watch you try to be strong.
Your pain is a badge over my heart. I let it wound me knowing that it won’t keep it from wrecking you. But I can’t let you suffer alone. I would suck it out like poison if it would save you. Your pain burrows like tentacles and wracks me like it knows my name. The hunger is enough to eat us whole.
I watch the trees to see if they quake with us. I look into the eyes of the moon to see if he knows. I look in to the depths of creation to see if she will gather us to her breast. I call on Him to be a better Father than I am a mother.
I’ll wear black as long as you wear black. Nobody gets through without feeling this, but knowing the Heartbreak Road is well travelled doesn’t make it easier. Everybody has to scratch their own name at the finish line. I’m torn between wanting to save you and knowing you’re earning your depths. I try to find solace in knowing the pain is digging your heart deeper. It means that the coming joy is too big for you as you are. I know it seems unfair, but this is how we become.
I watched as you, my selective one, gave away your heart. I followed behind and the longer you walked, the deeper you went, and I knew. I’m watching you, my solid one, trying to figure out which pieces are yours and which are his. I’m breaking, my determined one, as I watch you ready your glue and line up the shards like puzzle pieces. I’m staying back, my girl, knowing that you’ll do what you need to do. One day you’ll be able to thank God for the things you suffered so that you could have the space you needed. I’ll hold your hope for now.