I’ve become aware of how small this world is. Your sins are just a whisper in the ear away. The fuel of another’s folly can unite faster than anything I’ve seen in the natural world. It surpasses the slow rhythm of grace by far. So much so, that the sinner believes she is drowning.
She sleeps and prays and plays and thinks, while they meet and whisper and forge friendships and decide. She resurfaces to mend bridges and finds a road block in her name.
The sinner was resting and lost her time. The sinner was praying and can no longer catch up.
So much lost, losing all the time, there’s no way she can gather it back up.
Once a bridge burner, but she has changed. Or has she? She thinks she breaks everything she touches and now she won’t touch anything.
Ignited by indignance, she sets out to fight back. Then comes the hand of the Strong One, the hand that holds her back.
“Pride can make you walk on water, but pride is not my well. You’ve the feet of a disciple with my story to tell. Impulse of vengeance, but who’s to hear you now? The feet of a disciple can’t have anger at the prow.”
Someone who knows the truth of grace cannot be thwarted by being tossed away. No matter how many bridges you’ve burned, you are still not a lost cause.
No matter how many have cursed your name, you are still not a lost cause.
Someone who knows the truth of grace is not bothered by the coldness of everything around her. But, she’s still a girl who wants to be loved and she forgets. She forgets that the cold won’t kill her.
They gather like mice. Forging friendships out of knowing her worst. United by her sin instead of united in His love.
It’s a small enough world for her to know that you gather in His name without including her name. How does that speak the Truth of love and grace to her?
She doesn’t make new friendships. She has not one. How could she?
A disciple keeps walking even when she is slandered, even when it’s true. A disciple keeps walking even when she’s ignored. Pride can make a girl walk on water, but pride is short lived. Only grace can pull her up from the depths and make her walk some more.
It hurts to be excluded, to be forgotten, to be let go. But, you’re still here. You still have worth. Grace gives longevity. Pride sinks unsinkable ships.
You are not cursed. So much so, that maybe you are feeling this overwhelming attack to keep you from becoming conceited. Let them gather. If they were clambered around you, it may go to your head:
So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. -2 Corinthians 12:7-10 ESV
You have something. You’re on to something. The knowledge of grace and the power it has to completely undo and rebuild you is so powerful that it can go to your head and distract you. Let them gather. Let them be. You have too much to do to pay attention to who likes you and who doesn’t.
There wouldn’t be such a vicious attack if there wasn’t something powerful within you to attack. With this in mind, it may not even be them who is attacking. This isn’t a battle of flesh and blood.
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. -Ephesians 6:11-18 ESV
It’s a small world and if you live in it’s smallness, you’ll be sucked in by it’s lies. You are looking in the wrong places if you’re looking for validation by people who may not even know in what way they are being used to attack you.
Are you seriously going to throw your hands in the air and lose buoyancy over these people? Whether they spit on you or hug you does not matter in the marathon of this faith. Don’t let people make you doubt Jesus.
Accept your running position and let’s get on with this. There are plenty of people you don’t know who would find hope in your story of salvation. It’s the people who do know you who are at a loss. They’re too close to the flesh to see the spirit. Even Jesus knew what that was like.
And they took offense at him. And Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor, except in his hometown and among his relatives and in his own household.” And he could do no mighty work there… -Mark 6:3-5 ESV