…do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ … your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. -Matthew 6:31-33 ESV
There are times when we have to believe in something even though it goes against everything we can see. It’s hard when you are trying to push through something in faith and you’re not even certain it’s something that you’re supposed to push through.
How often are we brought to the end of the line and still have further to go? How can you keep walking when there is no road? How can you take the next step if there is nothing to stand on?
Human beings need to at least see the next step, but in this life we’re a part of, ‘seeing’ is not as important as stepping in faith. It’s draining to rely on faith.
In my own struggles, I don’t hold back my frustration with God. He made me, He can handle me. I’ve been brought through too many lessons of real faith to expect anything for myself from God. My journey has brought me to cliff edge after cliff edge where He’s told me to jump. I’ve jumped every time and a lot of them has left me with broken legs. As I heal, I am always posed with a question: ‘Do you still trust me?‘
‘I am not being a martyr. I’m the victim. God is a mean kid over an anthill with a magnifying glass, and I’m the ant. He could fix my life in five minutes if he wanted to, but he’d rather burn off my feelers, and watch me squirm!’ -Bruce, ‘Bruce Almighty’
Sometimes it feels like He’s just pushing me around to see how much I can take. My faith is strong and I know it and sometimes I feel like He’s just testing it all over the place. The stronger the faith, the bigger the test.
Great gifts mean great responsibilities; greater gifts, greater responsibilities! -Luke 12:48
He keeps me at the end of myself. It feels like I’m always in the ‘eleventh-hour’. I keep thinking that if life were easier, I’d be more useful to Him. But that’s not how it works.
But he said to me, “… my power is made perfect in weakness.” -2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV
The fact is, I do still trust Him. I can’t retract the measure of faith that He has given to me as a gift. I know it’s a gift. I can’t un-believe something I know is a certainty.
Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes. -Matthew 6:34
I’m at the end of myself. The end of my means. The end of my self-confidence, understanding and sense of entitlement. I am just trying to get through today as I whisper to myself: ‘God help me,’ before I scream to the sky, ‘Bring it on!’