contrary faith

Posted: May 24th, 2010 | Filed under: life | Tags: | 9 Comments »

…do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ … your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. -Matthew 6:31-33 ESV

There are times when we have to believe in something even though it goes against everything we can see. It’s hard when you are trying to push through something in faith and you’re not even certain it’s something that you’re supposed to push through.

How often are we brought to the end of the line and still have further to go? How can you keep walking when there is no road? How can you take the next step if there is nothing to stand on?

Human beings need to at least see the next step, but in this life we’re a part of, ‘seeing’ is not as important as stepping in faith. It’s draining to rely on faith.

In my own struggles, I don’t hold back my frustration with God. He made me, He can handle me. I’ve been brought through too many lessons of real faith to expect anything for myself from God. My journey has brought me to cliff edge after cliff edge where He’s told me to jump. I’ve jumped every time and a lot of them has left me with broken legs. As I heal, I am always posed with a question: ‘Do you still trust me?

‘I am not being a martyr. I’m the victim. God is a mean kid over an anthill with a magnifying glass, and I’m the ant. He could fix my life in five minutes if he wanted to, but he’d rather burn off my feelers, and watch me squirm!’ -Bruce, ‘Bruce Almighty’

Sometimes it feels like He’s just pushing me around to see how much I can take. My faith is strong and I know it and sometimes I feel like He’s just testing it all over the place. The stronger the faith, the bigger the test.

Great gifts mean great responsibilities; greater gifts, greater responsibilities! -Luke 12:48

He keeps me at the end of myself. It feels like I’m always in the ‘eleventh-hour’. I keep thinking that if life were easier, I’d be more useful to Him. But that’s not how it works.

But he said to me, “… my power is made perfect in weakness.” -2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV

The fact is, I do still trust Him. I can’t retract the measure of faith that He has given to me as a gift. I know it’s a gift. I can’t un-believe something I know is a certainty.

Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes. -Matthew 6:34

I’m at the end of myself. The end of my means. The end of my self-confidence, understanding and sense of entitlement. I am just trying to get through today as I whisper to myself: ‘God help me,’ before I scream to the sky, ‘Bring it on!’



9 Comments on “contrary faith”

  1. 1 Sherie said at 5:55 am on May 24th, 2010:

    Reaching the end of ourselves can feel so difficult in the midst of it, but it opens that door for us to let go of our agendas and for it really to be about God. Praying for courage and faith for you, and for surrender and rest as you fall into the Lord's care.

  2. 2 Julie R. said at 7:05 am on May 24th, 2010:

    I have so been in this place. Praying that you continue to handle it better than I ever seem to….

  3. 3 Kayla said at 7:15 am on May 24th, 2010:

    As usual, this is exactly what I needed to hear. God speaks to me through your writing sooo many times.. thanks for obeying God and encouraging us all 🙂

  4. 4 janelle said at 1:43 pm on May 24th, 2010:

    "The fact is, I do still trust Him. I can’t retract the measure of faith that He has given to me as a gift. I know it’s a gift. I can’t un-believe something I know is a certainty."

    Amen Sista'

  5. 5 m* said at 2:29 pm on May 24th, 2010:

    …to be continued…

  6. 6 Serena Woods said at 2:40 pm on May 24th, 2010:

    You're not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It's the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith.-1 Peter 5:9

  7. 7 Kelly Langner Sauer said at 3:16 am on May 25th, 2010:

    Serena, I love this. I love how you write so clearly what I can only put into pictures and poetry. I love your relationship with Him. Love, love, love to see Him relating to you much the same as He relates to me… I feel alone sometimes.

  8. 8 Cleopatra said at 6:41 am on May 25th, 2010:

    Wow oh wow! I'm at work, have already cried a river & am trying not to do it again.

    I REALLY needed to hear this today. This is where I am, another edge of a cliff & He's telling me to jump & I'm so scared because I, too, have had my legs broken & they hurt to heal. I thought He'd catch me. He did pick me up & is healing me but that pain is so intense.

    Yet, He still asks me, "Will you trust Me?" I say yes one minute & change my mind the next but I'm beginning to stick to my yes's a bit longer each time.

    I'm thanking God for using you, Serena. I'll continue to pray for & with you. Please do the same for me.

    "Without faith it is IMPOSSIBLE to please God because he/she that comes to God must belive that HE IS & that He's a rewarder to those that DILIGENTLY seek Him."

    I'm seeking You, Father.

  9. 9 Courtney said at 7:10 am on May 25th, 2010:

    I needed to read this so much. It seems that no matter what I have been through, no matter how many times I've felt tested, my faith is what has kept me going. I have to believe that He knows what is best for me, that He is guiding me, even when I question why, or how things are happening.

Leave a Reply