I know something good is coming. It’s close enough to start packing up your tent.
You’ve gotten used to the dark. You’ve made friends who don’t want to leave it. You’ve tasted their whiskey, fallen into their debt, and tangled in their web. Wait until they’re asleep, then slip out. God will protect you. He binds and frees. Make a choice for Love because that’s how you’ll be free.
God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we’re free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ’s. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love.– 1 John 4:17-18 MSG
There is no life in your own regret. You can’t fix anything, and making yourself suffer in the scum of existence won’t pay your tab. It’s not about deserving new life. It’s not about avoiding judgement. It’s not even about you.
Be still and know that I am God. – Psalm 46:10 ESV
It’s about Jesus.
We’re all on a journey with one destination. Home. You can choose your path, but God directs your steps (Proverbs 16:9). He’s calling you. You can decide how you want to live, buy only God can equip you to live it. You’ve chosen the way of failure, but can’t even do that right. You still care, and that is the only thing keeping you from completely disappearing under the bridge of nothingness.
There is nothing that you’ve done that can’t be undone. It’s all baited for redemption. You can continue to choose left when you know you should choose right, but right will be at every turn. You might feel lost, but He knows exactly where you are. God’s love is relentless and He’s with you every step of the way.