Posted: January 4th, 2012 |
Filed under: life | Tags: grace |
12 Comments »
“I have a friend to whom I go for Christian advice and lately she is going through something with her family and I don’t think she’s acting very ‘Christian’. It’s really bothering me. What should I do or say to her?”
When someone asks questions like this, my first thought is usually, “What version of ‘Christian’ are you comparing her to?”
I think that people need someone to look up to. They need someone who won’t let them down. The problem with that is that people will always let you down.
We can’t set people up that way. We put them on pedestals and are frustrated when they can’t balance that high.
I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. -Romans 7:15
People do the best they can and fight within themselves when they don’t measure up to their own standards. It’s suffocating to have to measure up to the foreign standards of others, too. It’s a fight of survival that has you completely focused on pleasing people and leaves no room for relying on the grace of Jesus to give them rest at night.
If people are honest in their relationship with you, then you will see the places that are imperfect. A good friend walks through the journey with them with enough grace to soften the blow of being a human. If you’re not a good friend, but only there for what you can get out of the relationship, then you will be a constant source of graceless judgment for them. You will never find a human being that can maintain the level of need that you are searching to fill. No human can do what only God can do.
Too often people will supplement their relationship with God with a relationship with a most-of-the-time Godly person. People will cling to pastors, pastors wives, or other recognized leaders and suck the life out of them as though these people were the Well of Living Water. Your church leaders are people. They cannot sustain you in the way that you need them to. You are pulling water out of a well that runs dry, gets contaminated, or loses the ability to pour out.
If you are getting your ‘food and drink’ from God, then you won’t be so desperate when people fail to measure up to your standards.
My heart breaks for people who are under the constant critical eye of the people they are trying to serve. If they want to maintain some distance so they can walk through their own bumpy life without the perpetual approving or disapproving comments from others, then they have to put on an Oscar winning performance every time they walk out in public. They’re in a no-win situation because people can tell that they’re holding back. The constant smile, constant positive attitude… it feels like a disillusioned, one-dimensional facade because, a lot of the time, it is.
This is why it’s hard to talk about your failures or questions in your church community. You can’t have perfect people and real people at the same time. Do you want a show or do you want a safe place to be vulnerable?
The people who would rather have a show are the most vocal and sometimes have the most influence. Grace and real life create too many questions and, for a place that is supposed to be the standard and have all the answers, that doesn’t go over very well.
This is the real battle. While all the people are fighting amongst themselves, the safe places are robbed of truth and rendered useless to people who are spiritually dying. It is not people that you’re up against. The people are distractions while the real attack is against faith. Nobody is fighting for the truth when they’re all fighting each other over practice.
The only truth worth fighting for is the Gospel of Jesus before Fear gets his hands on it. It’s the only truth because it’s the only thing that is finished. Everything else is in process and doesn’t look like it should.
Take your eyes off of people, they’re a mess at their best. Cynicism makes you twice as blind.
Posted: December 30th, 2011 |
Filed under: life | Tags: grace, healing, sin |
4 Comments »
What a hard road to trust in grace. Going against everything we know to be true about punishment, right and wrong, it is a real test to believe in the gift. It’s a love affair with the law that makes a marriage to Christ impossible.
It’s a crazy revelation to bleed the grace of Christ as though being abhorred was a requirement. The tongue that speaks of forgiveness is the same tongue that pulled in the lip of forbidden in the kiss of sin. The contrast is a testament and a challenge. The contrast reveals the false. If false your god, then that’s all you see.
Let the mouth of the sinner sing and ignore the screams accusing heresy.
The truth will not be muffled. Every good thing that is lost, let it be lost. If you don’t sing, the rocks will. Are you not smarter than a rock? Blood cries out from the ground. Why won’t you?
“Where truth is, the lie must flee; or, if it abideth, there must be a stern conflict, for the truth cannot and will not lower its standard, and the lie must be trodden under foot.” -Charles Spurgeon
She was telling her story. He saved her, He forgave her, and she was amazed. She knew how it sounded and she knew she had witnesses. But her witnesses denied what they saw for the sake of the punishment and she was alone. They called out to Him, “Rebuke her, Father.”
‘And he answered and said unto them, “I tell you that, if [she] should hold [her] peace, the stones would immediately cry out.’ -Jesus in Luke 19:40 KJV
“As long as I have breath to lift my voice…the rocks shall not cry out in my place.”
Posted: December 29th, 2011 |
Filed under: God, life | Tags: faith, purpose |
2 Comments »
God calls you to do things that are impossible for you. If you don’t look at Him then your plans will swallow you whole. You’ll get stressed and overwhelmed. You’ll see how impossible it is. You’ll feel the distance between what you want to happen, what is happening, and your inability to jump the rift.
Sit and crunch the cost. You’ll become very aware that you’re setting yourself up for failure. Then God asks, “Why would you plan for failure?”
When you dream and take the steps to make it happen, you have to keep looking at God. You really can’t look at the task. Doing that will only remind you that you can’t do it.
It is faith that keeps you from drowning and you’re not the boss.
I am ready to throw in the towel every day. I have no problem shutting everything down , slipping away, and disappearing. As soon as I hear the word, I’m gone.
I am an ant using my little legs to dig a tunnel through a mountain of stone and it hurts. I’m not alone… one of millions. If ten are digging in one direction, three are standing around, four are telling us we’re in the way, and three are shoveling rocks back in the hole.
My eyes are focused on something beyond the obvious. The obvious is, I’m nobody. I can’t do anything. I’m a flushed goldfish that re-emerged in a rip-current and I’m not big enough to get myself out. I’ll either end up drowned on the beach, food for a bigger fish, or I’ll actually reach my destination.
When you throw in your lot with God, He’ll either show up or not. I’d rather know than always have questions.
I try to do things that I cannot do. I could be an fool. Sometimes I feel like one. But I’m curious. I want to know how everything works. I want to find as many obstacles as possible and figure why they’re there and how to get passed them
One thing I know: The rip current of God’s will is stronger than anything I could do. If I threw in my towel and tossed my toddler toy back where I found it, things would still end up exactly the way they’re supposed to.
Posted: December 27th, 2011 |
Filed under: life | Tags: deception, purpose |
19 Comments »
I come across some unfamiliar people and language out there in social media. For example, I once read a woman’s post that said she had to ‘go have intentional time’ with her husband. I couldn’t figure out if she just announced their naked time or if her relationship was so distant that she had to ‘intentionally’ make herself talk to him.
Either way, it was a bizarre mental picture she gave me. I wished she had kept it to herself. However, she was saying it in that way that a martyr announces to fellow martyr’s that it was her turn on the chopping block. She was looking for validation and for others to tell her that she was doing a good job.
It’s a sad thing to look for validation from a bunch of people. All they can do is blow smoke up your rear end and then hold the drug of public approval over you like a whip.
Everyone wants to look like everyone else and be the best ‘everyone else’ they can. I see the trends and the new phrases added to the repertoire, but I don’t know where any of it comes from. It seems like everyone reads the same books or listens to the same people, who ever is the coolest at the moment, and then takes their terminology and makes it the new ‘thing.’
“Blessed” people are ‘doing life’ with others, they’re doing things ‘well’, and they’re doing them ‘intentionally.’ Where do these things come from?
I read something in my social media feed that said something like this:
“I’m so blessed! My husband gave me the best present ever. He freed two sex slaves.”
It came with a picture of a certificate congratulating the recipient for being honored by the release of two sex slaves.
Are you freaking kidding me? What is this? Is this the new “I’m important!” thing?
I can’t figure out why it makes me sick to read this. I mean, there are several reasons, but I’m looking at it from a few different angles and something is wrong here.
My stream of consciousness went something like: Are you sure about that? How much did you pay for that piece of paper? How does someone even find this stuff? Is some sick freak out there marketing ‘feel good’ diplomas to rich American dummies? Did you see this on a late night infomercial? Where does the recipient of the certificate hang something like that?
If it’s even true, then how do they pick the girls to free? Is it like the reverse version of a slave auction? Do they check their muscle tone and teeth? Do they pick the ugly ones or the pretty ones? Do the girls know what is going on? Does some sweaty child molester pace in front of them, announcing a rich American woman’s birthday and force them to watch him size them up?
This is a 3D version of completely messed up. There is no way for the rest of the admiring world to know if these things are real, or how they are carried out. All they know is that a woman can say that she forwent a new Coach bag for the sake of a couple of lives. It just sounds like another way to make more money off of the very real and horrific problem.
They know you won’t buy them for sex, but maybe you’ll pay money to hear that they’re free?? Whatever makes you empty your pockets to feel good.
There are a lot of doors on this life journey. A lot of so-called shortcuts to holy importance, but they’re mirages. If you can sit around and feel awesome about your good deeds, then you’ve been lied to.
And when you come before God, don’t turn that into a theatrical production … All these people making a regular show out of their prayers, hoping for stardom! Do you think God sits in a box seat? -Matthew 6:5 MSG
I know a woman who will give you a gift and tell you how much it cost her to get it for you. She wants you to know how inconvenient it was so that you’ll appreciate it more. She thinks it makes the gift more special. What she doesn’t realize is that it doesn’t make anyone appreciate it more. It makes them think about the fact that the gift really isn’t worth the cost and it robs the value.
People just want to be validated and acknowledged for what they do, but as soon as you point to your own awesomeness, you poke holes in the sacrifice rendering it useless.
…and then Cain murdered Abel….
In an attempt to stand out above the rest, people will be pulled into all kinds of spiritual cons and traps of deception.
Don’t you think there are ‘get holy fast’ schemes just like there are ‘get rich fast’ schemes? Don’t be taken by the gas station taquitos when you’re on your way to a gourmet feast.
Beware of people who are showy in their flamboyant religiosity. There is a reason they’re cashing in right now. They don’t believe they’re actually going anywhere because they’re not.
Be careful of who you listen to. Some people can decorate their BS better than others.
Maybe I’m wrong and setting sex slaves free is a perfectly legitimate gift market (seriously, what the hell?)… but it sounds like a desensitized culture making desperate attempts to look like heros in the midst of their materialism. Ugh.
Posted: December 22nd, 2011 |
Filed under: life | Tags: love wins, purpose |
6 Comments »
She could see the distance in His eyes and it killed her. There was something calling Him away and His focus was on His good-bye’s and His final instructions for everybody. He met with people in secret rooms, on lonely walks, and on quiet dawn beaches. He was so different that it made Him unrecognizable. …until you looked Him in the eyes.
Part of Him was still there, but it was growing fainter and fainter. Her heart was breaking and it made her desperate. She held her breath to hide the sobs in her belly, squeezed her eyes to fight the sting. She knew she couldn’t make Him stay.
“I want to go with you.” She needed His eyes.
“You can’t. Not yet.” (John 13:33)
She sobbed. She knew He loved Her, He was looking at her now.
“I’m not leaving YOU, I’m leaving this MOMENT. I’m leaving this timeline of temporary.” (Hebrews 13:5)
He has talked like that the whole time she’s known Him. His thoughts would always go somewhere far away and He’d get this resolve and strength from some unreachable depth. It was His mystery. It was what drew people to Him.
She never knew where He went when His eyes looked beyond and His words became riddles. The group of us would hang on His stories and try with everything in us to understand. But it was so far beyond…we couldn’t reach it. (John 16:12)
He made us ache. He made us believe in this eternal ‘Something More”. He was moving further and further ‘beyond’ and she was clinging to His robe (Mark 5:28). She was pouring her perfume on Him (Matthew 26:7). Sobbing at His feet, she washed Him with her tears. Unable to look up, she dried His feet with her hair (Luke 7:38).
He was the only one who stood up for her. The only one would walk through the streets with her. He held her together when she was falling apart. He made the clenched fist of condemnation drop their stones (John 8:7). What would she do without Him? How was she going to survive this temporary without Him there with her?
Almost as though He could read her mind, He said, “It’s better for you if I go. The way things are right now, I can’t be with you every second. If I go, you can carry me inside you. Though you won’t see me, you’ll feel me closer than you do now. The distance that you feel when you look at me will be put inside you, ..like a promise, …like a down payment. I’ll make you one with the distance, but it will no longer be distance. It will be expanse. It will be freedom. I’ll spread out in your heart so that you know I’m there. I’ll dance with your spirit so you can feel your heart skip with our music. When you interact with others, I’ll look back at you through their eyes. If I go, I’ll be everywhere. No longer bound by the stretch of flesh, I’ll fill the expanse and everywhere you look, you’ll be able to find me.” (John 16:7)
He made sure she was listening.
“I’m going away, but I’ll come back. I’ll get you out of here, but I have to prepare a place for you. I’ll make it perfect.” (John 14:3)
He paused to let her receive what He was really saying.
‘How long?” Would He come back tomorrow? Next week? A few years?
“I don’t know. The date is set, but I don’t know what it is (Matthew 24:36). My Father knows that I would probably tell you if I did, and for His reasons… you can’t know.”
Out of all the things He didn’t have an answer for….
“He doesn’t want you sitting by your window because you’re afraid that you’ll miss me. …You’re not going to miss me. You’re the reason I’m coming back.”
Her mind was fighting the peace His words created. He was making her feel okay with Him leaving and she didn’t want to give in. As though her refusal would make Him stay longer, just to talk her into it.
“There are others coming. There are more people who need to know who I AM.”
He paused, almost pained. “Do you love me?”
His words separated her flesh from her bones like a double edged sword.
“You know I love you.”
He made her look at Him. “Will you tell them about me?” (John 21:15)
It’s the work He started. He wanted the people who loved Him to continue it.
“Tell them I love them.” (John 13:34)
It’s their way to be together. It’s her way to honor what they have. He can’t be seen anymore…He went into the calling beyond, but He’s still here. He’s here in her, in you, and in them. When we talk about His love, we can almost smell Him again.
There’s a theory that a married man and woman start to look like each other over the course of the years. Maybe it’s because they’re so in love. Their eyes are filled up on the other so when the rest of the world looks at them, they see who they love. She blushes and smiles to herself. She has it figured out. He can’t be seen, but she can. Representing what they have together, it’s when she is loving the others that she looks the most like Him.
Posted: December 21st, 2011 |
Filed under: life | Tags: grace, purpose |
3 Comments »
For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, ”Abba! Father!” -Romans 8:15
You’re a butterfly in the rain. The furious flutter to be is reduced to trying to survive the journey through the rain to get home. All the while the depth is tugging on you. “Come home.”
You’re here in the struggle, trying to make three stretch to five and to make Not Yet expand to content. “I’m trying.”
Fear is the dictator of your peace.
You want to get it right, but you don’t know how. ‘Don’t do that and don’t do this.’ A whole life of not doing what you’re not supposed to do. A slave.
You’re not an indentured servant, slaving to earn your freedom.
Jesus came to free you from weight on your wings.
…and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery. -Hebrews 2:15
The weight is the law and you can’t earn your way. Trying is proof that you have not learned your lesson.
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. -1 John 4:18
Perfected in love is a process brought on by your own failure. Don’t you see it? Failure has been repurposed. Don’t you know what it feels like to be rescued? Jesus tends to the fire starter while He lets the house burn to the ground.
‘Perfected in love’, means that you have nothing to fear. No punishment is awaiting your pathetic attempts. The bill collector isn’t calling to harass you, He’s calling to let you know that the debt has been satisfied. Stop avoiding Him. Stop living to ‘not sin’ and start living in freedom.
Freedom from fear. Perfected in love.
You think you can only answer when you have the payment. But, in that world, the debt accumulates interest and you’re getting further and further away from being able to answer. Don’t you know? You’ve been set free from that world.
Righteousness does not come from sweat. Righteousness comes from faith in Jesus.
Stop running. Nobody is chasing you.
Posted: December 19th, 2011 |
Filed under: life | Tags: deception, grace, sin |
6 Comments »
People can fall into confusing spaces of deception easier than you may think. The individual response to circumstance is as unique as a fingerprint. Everybody has their own reasons for their choices and none of it matters in the end. Excuses and justifications are used in the hopes for granted permission to do what they’ve already done in their heart.
Circumstances and reasons only mean everything to you right now because they’re all you have. When you finally do, in action, what you’ve already done in thought, you’ll see them for what they are. You’ll see them as cheap bribes and you’ll hate yourself for being so easy.
You only have excuses because you have alternate choices. The fact that you have alternate choices is proof that you are being seduced by someone more sinister than the forbidden fruit dangled in front of you. The evil seduction goes deeper than the seduction of flesh.
Grace doesn’t give you permission to hang yourself. No one can tell you what to do. I’m not offering noose wrapping lessons. I’m not your Holy Spirit. I can offer you truth when you really want the truth, but I will not offer you an excuse.
You need to struggle. You need to make your own choices and go through your own journey. The only thing I can offer you is the advice to be honest. Maybe if you’re honest, you’ll get what you think you want. Maybe if you’re honest, you can deal with reality and stop running to your escape. Honesty breaks the locks and smashes the windows. It gets the attention where the attention needs to be. Honesty is the rock thrown through the mirage so that everyone can see what is fake and what is real.
When you’re in the middle of the stupor that comes before the jump, good advice isn’t really heard. Your spiritual location can be recognized by the questions you ask and the parts of your story that you’re focused on. You are a human being doing the best you can with your situation. Grace doesn’t give you permission to be selfish.
You won’t be able to handle the hell of having to forgive yourself. If you care about your relationship with God at all, your sin will destroy you. I’m not talking about socially, though that is inevitable. I’m talking about the fact that you will not be the same person that you are even now. That fact will surprise you, so I think you should know it ahead of time. You don’t know who the ‘new’ you will be.
If someone told you to do the right thing, the flesh part of you would reject it. If someone told you to go ahead with the wrong thing, your spirit would reject it. No one can tell you what to do.
Be honest. Be honest with yourself and with God. You can’t change your heart. You can’t make yourself do the right thing and reject the wrong thing. But you can be honest. Let things play out in honesty. The truth may be destructive, but the lies are infinitely more destructive.
Evil seduces. It sounds justified. But, I promise you that you will recognize its voice when all of hell is berating you and screaming at you from the inside out. More terrifying than that? You will think that it’s God. You will believe with all of your heart that He won’t take you back.
That is the lick of deception. Hell’s goal is not to get you to sin. That’s already accomplished. Hell’s goal is to get you to believe you belong there. That’s the fight of faith.
You may not understand exactly what I’m saying, but if you jump this cliff, know that you will see things in full clarity. That means that your justifications will make you feel mocked. You won’t be able to go backward in time to lock your doors and everybody will blame you because you wore your morals too short.
If this happens, please don’t let your faith in God’s grace fail. It sounds counterproductive for me to say it now because that’s one of the things evil is saying to you, too. Deception mixes truth with lies because it makes them sound more convincing. It will be hard for you to recognize the truth in the aftermath of your sin. The truth is: Grace wins.
The fact that you will doubt God’s love and forgiveness should scare the hell out if you. Because hell is separation from God, doubting His forgiveness is the appetizer. Dessert comes first in this meal.
You have more mistakes and pain in front of you no matter which path you choose. You would know exactly what to do and have the strength to do it if there wasn’t more to come. I know that sounds ominous and it’s because it is.
No matter what, you’re going to make it. Remember that when you’re lost in the woods and can’t find your shoes.
Keep fighting back, even if you feel like you’re losing.
Posted: December 16th, 2011 |
Filed under: life | Tags: forgive, grace, love |
9 Comments »
I’ve been working on the left side of my brain lately. I’m teaching myself college Algebra to build new neuron paths and make myself more neurologically rounded. (yeah, that sounds nerdy…) It’s forcing me to be more detail oriented and it’s driving me a little crazy, but it’s fun when I get it.
I use the same parts of my brain when I’m studying theology as I do when I’m studying math. It’s details and terminology and it’s all based on a strong foundation that keeps building and building. The similarities between math and theology are interesting to me.
It’s 2 am and my brain is still buzzing from three days of studying, so I’m writing. If I were to start talking about systems of algebraic equations and posted a set to have you solve, you’d only be able to solve them if you knew the basics. Once you know the basics, you can run everything through the system with ease. However, if you don’t know the basics, then it’s all foreign language. Nothing makes sense.
Theology is like that. Sometimes I jump right into the middle of a concept and it makes no sense to some people because they don’t have the basics down.
The key to understanding Algebra is to know the order of operations. The further you get into it, the more there is to discover, but it never deviates from the system. There is only one answer and if you mess something up along the way, you’re off track for the rest of it.
It’s the same with theology. Words can trip you up and not understanding the order of operations can trip you up. The key to understanding the scriptures is to know the order of operations.
Last week I spent over three hours on an equation. I got all of the steps right and 99% of my answers were correct, but I continually came up with the wrong answer and it was making me crazy. After a late night phone call to a friend, I realized that I wasn’t dividing fractions right. I could get these complex systems, remember every single detail in the proper order, but I forgot something I should have learned in 6th grade. As educated as I was, not knowing a tiny basic detail made every perfectly executed step after it completely wrong.
That fact is a direct parallel to the spiritual mirror:
If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love. -1 Corinthians 13:1-3 MSG
You can get everything right. Follow the system, pay attention to every detail, and you can still come up with the wrong answer. Understanding the scriptures has everything to do with your faith in redemption. It’s a faith in God’s sovereign grace.
The problems that usually arise for people are the details. If you know too much about a person’s sin, it will be harder for you to believe in grace without hesitation or stipulation. It’s harder for you to forgive. Everything you do after that will be wrong.
You can fight your anger and your pride, but you do it with your own will. When you really forgive, you’ll still be haunted by your anger and pride, but your faith in the power of the grace of Jesus will empower you. All of your internal fighting will be laced with grace. The only way to be able to really forgive is through your faith in the sovereignty of God and His love.
You can get all of the steps right, but if you do not love, then you do not have not understood the most basic concept and everythig else is a mess of noise.
The practical application calls you to consider a situation where you are either focused on the circumstances or your focused on a God who promises that nothing happens outside His will. If it’s happening, He’s in on it and He has a plan for it. You not going to get anything unless you can get the basics of who you’re dealing with and how He affects everything.
Posted: December 12th, 2011 |
Filed under: life | Tags: healing, hope |
6 Comments »
She leaves work through the back door. Leaves the chatter of Christmas plans and lists. She’s dodged questions all day about her plans and what her children put on their lists. She’s not going to her work party because she doesn’t have anything to wear.
Her feet are aching from standing all day and the wind is a cold oppressor slapping her face like she doesn’t matter. She hides her hands in her coat sleeves with just a key sticking out to make the climb into her freezing car faster.
Her grocery store choices are in opposite directions. The expensive one is on her way home. Her fatigue wins and she pulls into the parking lot. Her ten dollar budget isn’t enough for the milk and peanut butter gluttons in her house. Food shouldn’t have to be so hard to come by.
She used to make cookies, candies, and pies to hug the holidays and all of it’s wrappings. They’re lucky to have a tree. What good is a tree that dwarfs the presents?
Why is this holiday so messed up? Who made the rules and why should kids think that Santa skips some houses while he overloads others?
She’s never believed in Santa. He’s not even part of her children’s lives at home, but it’s an unavoidable question in the hesitant dance of their eyes. Their excitement is touchable and they have no idea how hard it is on her.
She finishes her shopping, doubling her budget, and making her fight the guilt of overspending with the rebellion against being sorry for getting candy canes and fresh fruit.
Defiance clenches her jaw. ”We can at least have candy canes.”
Almost like an immediate reprimand, she was back under the cruel thumb of the wind. Only this time, the bags carrying her guilt drug her hands out of her sleeves of safety. She imagined the bitter cold making them old and worn. A poor woman’s hands.
That was the day she began having ‘the talk’ with herself. ‘The Talk’ that she is going to have to come to terms with who she is. The poverty is going to age her faster than her heart. She has reached her entire life. She has stretched past her circumstances out of the determined belief that she will, one day, have the life she wants. She has pushed herself beyond every boundary life has put in front of her, and now she wonders, “For what?”
“The Talk” was to weaken her hope so that she won’t be so disappointed and sad all the time.
Oh, she’s sad. All the time sad.
She smiles, genuinely, though. She has things to be happy about and she’s good at finding them. They help her catch her breath while she rests for the next lunge. She counts her blessings: Her kids. Her love. They have a warm roof. They have clothes that still work. They have shoes that still fit. They’re healthy and clean.
They have peanut butter and candy canes.
These are such good, good things. They’re the little things made big.
So, “The Talk” isn’t winning. It can’t when she takes it one day at a time. She learns something on her drive home. She learns it’s the little things that get you through the day. Disappointment takes a very long time to completely consume you. Disappointment can’t eat you alive today.
It’s always ‘today’.
If you can counter disappointment with the little things enough to get through today, then you are one day better off than you were the day before.
It’s not much, but it will get her through today.
Posted: December 9th, 2011 |
Filed under: life | Tags: encouragment |
19 Comments »
Holidays are crucial during your healing process. How you handle them can determine a big chunk of this next year.
If you’re anything like me, the markers within the calendar year bring with it the scent of the year prior. When you smell a new season, feelings of last year’s season come with it. Holidays, particularly Christmas, are extremely traditional. If this is your first Christmas without last year’s traditions, then this will be hard for you.
I’m telling you this ahead of time because you may be too wrapped up in nostalgia to really hear me in the next couple of weeks.
If you have suffered a loss this year, then be ready for the emotional battle you’re about to face. You may already be sensing it well up. It’s too easy to go backward in your healing progress when you’re feeling particularly alone and vulnerable.
I have a new puppy. He’s a 4.5 month old boxer who has ingested at least four of my girl’s little socks over the past two months. I know this because I have to clean up his mess whenever they end up coming back up. I know when he’s eaten a sock because he doesn’t touch his food for about a day. He just lays around like a sad, sick little guy.
You would think that the experience of being sick and having to go through the purging process would teach him to stay away from the tempting little socks, but I guess they’re just too irresistible.
One of the times I had to clean up his mess, I used a dirty hand towel. When I was sorting my laundry the next day, I wasn’t paying attention and the dish towel folded with his mess was sitting at the top of the pile. The little guy found it and proceeded to do what dogs do. Thankfully, I was standing nearby and stopped the nastiness.
(I’m sorry if this is making you sick. It makes me a little sick writing it.)
Like a dog that returns to his vomit, is a fool who repeats his folly. -Proverbs 26:11
You’ve ended a relationship with your escape. Whatever it was, you have made some progress. Whether the progress is just you considering it, whether you’ve put on your shoes, or whether you’ve walked out the door, you have made progress.
This is your chance to make it through something that will cause you to be so much stronger than you are right now. Imagine relief from the relentless temptation that haunts you like a demon.
I want to give you some tools to make it though this. The thing that has worked for me is putting my focus on developing new traditions.
Traditions get richer with time. Memories fatten traditions and make holidays, like Christmas, become what they’re really about. The first year will seem a little rigid, but will soften and form to fit you every year after.
This is your opportunity to use all of your lessons, the things you have said you would do different, and do them different this time. Everything is new. You can pick any paint color you want.
If you are focusing ahead, you will have less time to focus behind. Every time you find your mind sinking, you can start focusing on the recipes, the table settings, …whatever it is. I’m giving you busy work. But, it’s busy work with multi-dimensional meaning.
Make a new Christmas mix CD. It takes a lot of time if you do the research. There are some great old and new covers of Christmas songs. I’ll make a little playlist and adjust it as I find songs to add. I’ll post it to this blog so you can check it out anytime you want.
When you get through this holiday, you will have accomplished something that makes you feel more solid inside. Things will still hit you hard enough to knock the wind out of you, but those times will come further and further apart. It doesn’t take too long before you start feeling freedom and hope.
Start journaling your thoughts instead of going back to your mess. It’s old, friend, it will make you sicker this time. We forget things as time goes on. This will help you see God in your story a little better. You’ll be able to see His knowing eyes at points in your timeline where you didn’t think He was.
my boxer, Nigel.
Do you have any song recommendations?
Have you been there and have any bits of advice you could add?
