When you’re going through something, especially the things nobody talks about, you feel like your situation is unique to you. That nobody would understand what you’re going through.
This isolation we feel when we’ve taken a departure from ‘normal’ removes us from the general rules of society. If you’re in new territory, then you’re a survivor in the wilderness.
If nobody understands, then it’s pointless to talk to them. You close up and your relationships start to suffer.
What if you knew that you weren’t the only one going through this? You’re a text book example. I could finish your timeline before you could act it out.
Most of your poor decisions come from feeling like you’re in new territory. They’re fueled by feeling like an isolated exception. There’s a split in your personality, much like someone trying to act normal when you’re incredibly distracted by something you can’t talk about. The distraction is so powerful, it starts to push the ‘normal’ out. Soon you have to explain where your head has been and you grab as many excuses as possible. Usually having to attack ‘normal’ in order to take his voice away.
When it doesn’t work and ‘normal’ still has a valid voice, it makes you feel agitated. Angry even.
You don’t want to be talked out of it. Starting fresh and breaking away into this new fantasy actually seems like a possibility. As much as you don’t want to be this way, you’re thinking about yourself more than ever. You think about your years of sacrifice…things you’ve settled for.
There is always a fight to continue in sin. You have to fight for it. You have to be brutal to the things trying to hold on while you’re slipping away.
The harder they fight for you, the harder you hit. This is why a person comes to a point down the road where they can’t imagine going back because of all the destruction they’ve done.
If you don’t connect with anything else I’m writing right now, please connect with this. The person fighting to move further into their path of sin will get so emotionally cold, brutal and heartless that it’s like taking a sledge hammer to the hallway photos and memorabilia of a happy life. Most people can’t take it and that’s why there are lesions in the Body of Christ.
We all have a nature within us that will fight to go it’s own way. It’s selfish, inconsiderate and doesn’t care about the walls it has to tear down to get out. If you haven’t met that part of you yet, you will. I’m not talking about the everyday head butting with your proverbial angel and devil. I’m talking about the destructive force that creeps like black tar over your toile throw pillows and gets caught in your children’s cornsilk hair. You’re lost in your own head trying to find yourself, meanwhile your ‘self’ is destroying your home.
Something you can take away from this is the same thing you can take away from any relationship. You learn to recognize the voice. In this case, it’s the voice of your selfish nature. That’s something. If you can recognize it, you can ignore it. Also, God knew how destructive that nature is and wanted to make sure you could never look back at the damage you’ve done and feel like He’d never take you back. He’ll always be there, standing in your mess with a set jaw.
That’s when you’ll find yourself. And when you do, nobody can take that away from you. What you may not know, is who you are has nothing to do with what you’re trying to leave behind or trying to run to. You’re a wanderer in a desert running to and from mirages. Distractions. You, self-inflated delusions and all, are His child. Nobody can take that away from you. Not even you.
I don’t know how far down the road you have to go to see things clearly, but I promise you, you’ll always hit the dead end. People may leave you at some point, but He never will. Never ever, ever. You have the freedom to destroy and grace will give you the power to grow new life out of death. When you see your worst, be thankful. Seeing your worst makes it easier to let yourself go. To let ‘self’ die. People who have been there will understand that the details are just details. What is the most important is your faith and your faith will bring you back to the path of life. New life.
Hopefully it helps to know that the sooner you abandon your self-searching mission, the easier the cleanup will be. It’s crippling when you finally find out that the answers and superficial happiness you’re seeking will not be what you’re really after. I’ve been there and nothing on this planet can ease the pain of breaking away from ‘right’ to find it.
You’re not alone and you won’t be abandoned. If it doesn’t change your course now, then hold on to it because it will help you when you’re ready to fight what you think is your ally right now. Hell gains your trust with a seductive, soft caress until it gets you settled in your new address and then it starts to eat you alive. A snake charmer bit by his pet. It’s a classic story of evil seduction and you’re not immune to the well practiced song of the ‘father of lies.’
I’ve been there. I know that heartache all too well. I made it out. You can, too.
Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. You’re not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It’s the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won’t last forever. It won’t be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does. -1 Peter 5:8-11